“We aint no hoes or nothin but I have sum friends willing to get down if paid so wut yall tryna do?”

They say in life there are specific snapshots that determine our legacy. When I received the text above (copied verbatim) on March 12th 2009 2:53pm Central Standard Time it changed my legacy. It is that text that sparked the entire idea for this website.

Up to then I was just your normal average Bona Fide Sports Expert Robert Littal planning a Las Vegas trip with my friends Killa Camaro Carl, Sam the African, Mr. White, Jon Julian & Sugar Sean to see Ricky Hatton fight Manny Pacquiao.

After I got the text I went over to Sam the African in amazement and said the following:

“Hey Sam the African they said they not hoes but they are offering sex for cash.”

Sam the African replied:

“They not hoes, but the rent is due.”

That is when it hit me. What do you call a ho who rationalizes her hoeing decision as the ends justifies the means? What do you call a ho who isn’t a ho 100% of time but only when necessary and it beneficial to her?

That is when I went back and looked at the text and it became clear:

First let state the obvious everyone has NoHo Tendencies. Doesn’t matter your race, age, gender, sexual orientation and etc we have all No Hoed it up in our life. If you don’t believe that you are lying to yourself.

Someone asked me why I normally use the phrase NoHo to describe women, but not men. The answer to that is simple most men don’t rationalize their hoeing actions. We embrace that fact that we are hoes. We might use a different name to describe it (pimps, playas, ballers), but the fact of the matter most men are hoes and proud of it.

Women on the other hand try to explain their hoish tendencies away, lets break down the text again:

“We aint no hoes or nothing but I have sum friends willing to get down if paid so wut yall tryna do? “

The young lady in question before anything else claims “we ain’t no hoes” before stating “willing to get down if paid”.

Just read that sentence again and it is comical, it would be the equivalent of me saying:

“We ain’t no criminals or nothing, but I have sum friends willing to go along with a bank robbery if we get paid so wut yall tryna do”

I know what you are thinking.

“Nohos? That must be a hood rat thing.”

Not at all NoHos come in all walks of life here are just a few examples:

“Corporate NOHO”

The young lady at your office who wears the tightest business skirts known to man. Always gets to go to lunch with the boss. Work never gets criticized but somehow gets promoted.

“MySpace/Facebook/Twitter/Message Board NOHO”

This attention whore who has two millions friends and has a bunch of “bath water slurping” dudes at her beck and call. The type of girl who announces she is going to Taco Bell so one of the “bath water” dudes can put $10 in her PayPal.

“Internet Model NOHO”

An offspring of the MySpace NoHo except they turned it into an actual profession To illustrate how Internet Modeling NoHoing maybe the slickest game of them all, let me tell you a story.

There is this internet model named Montana. Very pretty and definitely an interesting young lady. She has five kids. When the 5th kid was close to being born she set up a baby registry for her “bath water slurping” fans. The chick did a web cam video with the father of baby showing off the fact the “bath water” dudes had bought all of her baby furniture and the damn not one, not two, but three baby seats.

That is “Yoda” level NoHoing.

I could go on and on from “Gold digging NoHo” to “Born Again Virgin NoHo”. No matter the type of female you meet she has a “NoHo” twin (and it is probably her).

Another one of my favorite NoHos:

“I am not a groupie but I have slept with the entire New York Knicks and Mike D’Antoni NoHo”

The South Carolina governor who got caught cheating what did he have?

AN INTERNATIONAL NOHO

What did Bill Clinton have?

AN ORAL SEX INTERN NOHO

What happened to Kobe in Colorado?

A CRAZY ASS WHITE GIRL NOHO

Men love Nohos. The reason is simple they are not complicated. We don’t care how they rationalize what they are doing we just care that we are getting what we want out the deal.

But you have to be careful because Nohos are hustlers and you don’t want to be the guy buying the baby seat for the other guy.
Tell the Nohos what you want and ask what it is going to take to get it done. This brings us back to the original text:

“We aint no hoe’s or nothing but I have sum friends willing to get down if paid so wut yall tryna do? “

So you are probably wondering what happened with the “The Origin NoHo” and her crew in Vegas. You know the phrase “What Happens in Vegas Stay in Vegas” of course you do, so I can’t tell you everything, but here is what I can tell you.

It wasn’t quite The Hangover, but someone woke up in the shower, a bottle of Hennessey was under the bed, weed may have been involved, someone fell down a flight of stairs, I may have strip for a Bachelorette party (a little fuzzy on that), Lee Cordova (you had to be there to understand), a MySpace exposing (that was funny), a baby was left at the Stratosphere hotel with a “Grocery Guy” (I am not lying about that) & I cannot confirm or deny the existence of a video of the events.

Love those NoHos.

You might not like what I am about to write, but it needs to be written and I think I am uniquely qualified to handle this subject.

Until I was 14 years old the only white women I ever saw was at my mom’s job.  Then I was shipped off to a private catholic predominantly white High School where in four years there was only seven black girls that attended  the school (and they weren’t cute).  From that point I moved on to The Ohio State University the second biggest university in the United States.  In my four and half years there I was expose to every type of woman known to man.

I grew up in the hood (Natural Bridge & Kingshighway in STL ask about me) & now have lived in the Burbs of STL for the last five years.  I’ve been in the music industry & now currently in the sports media.   Two of the most corrupt industries in regards to how women are treated regardless of race.

I have traveled from coast to coast.  North, South, East and West I have seen it all.

I have friends who might have gotten married strippers pregnant and friends who are just like “Tiger Woods”.

I have dealt with  females of a broad spectrum.  From the bottom of the bottom to the top of the top.

So when I break this down I am basing this off years of not just my experience but the observations of others.  There are four main reasons why black men deal with white women (when I talk about white women I am talking about any woman that isn’t black) and I am about to share them with you.  You may or may not agree with them and you can feel free to comment below:

Reason #1- White women are easier to deal with than black women.

This could be considered an urban legend, but the perception for some black men is that black women are difficult to deal with.

Another way to look at that is that black women won’t put up with as much BS, but since we are talking about men we will stick with what they think.

These black men think that white women are easier to get, easier to manipulate and easier to seduce. 

As my friend James told me once:

“With a white girl when I tell her I am going out all she tells me is to be careful and never blows up my phone.  With a black girl she is constantly paranoid and it gets old.  I rather keep a white girl and just screw around with black girls they are too much to deal with.”

It doesn’t appear to be any “hate” toward the black woman just more of these black men believe it will be easier not to deal with them.

This type of black man has no problem “breaking lamps” with a black woman or hanging with a black woman but when it comes to “relationships” he will take, in his mind the easier route of dealing with a white woman.

Now how accurate this assumption, that white women are easier to deal with is up for debate, but there are black men who truly believe it. 

Reason #2:  White Women are all they know.

I call this the “Tiger Effect”.  You are a product of your environment regardless of your race.  Black or not if all you see around you 24/7 are white women you will probably be more inclined to date white women.

When I was in high school all that was around me were white girls.  So I had dated white girls.  It wasn’t that I didn’t like black girls it was that I didn’t have any to choose from.

Of course when I got out of high school my selection expanded, but for some black men it never does.  If you grew up around white girls, went to school around white girls you probably going to prefer white girls.

I have absolutely no issue with that.  It is just a preference normally not breed out of anything against black women.

Reason #3: Black Men that want to be white.

This is the most disturbing reason.  There are some black men who just don’t want to be associated with being black.  So they do everything they can to disassociate themselves away from their race.

One major way to do that is to have a white woman on their arm.  Their reasons for dating white women have more to do with how they feel about their race as oppose to their preference of women.

These type of black men  say things like this:

“I would never date a black woman I don’t want to seem ghetto.”

Of course I believe these black men should be punched in the mouth, but I digress.  Personally I don’t care what a man’s preference of woman, but to exclude a race, based on your own self hate is very weak minded.

These type of black men rarely have anything positive to say about black women instead they constantly looking for negative aspects about them.

In reality they are talking about themselves but they deflect their self hate on black women.  Which if course says more about them as men than anything else.

They are so concerned with trying to be something they are not, that can’t see the good, not just in black women, but black people in general.

These are the type of black men who give other black men a bad reputation in regards to this debate.

Reason #4 – She is hot

There is this contention from some black women that:

“Black men should date within their race.”

That is foolishness.  Men should date the best person for them regardless of race.

If there are two equal women in all areas and the last determination is looks, I am going with the woman who looks better.

On the flip side if two women looked exactly the same I am going to choose the woman who I feel is a better personality match for me regardless of race.

Sometimes it isn’t complicated it is just some black men are color blind when it comes to women.

It is just a peference nothing more, nothing less.

Once a black woman asked me:

“What race do you prefer?”

My answer:

“The Fine Race”

She seemed confused for a minute, but it triggered with her that I didn’t have a preferred race.

 Some men just like women regardless of the shape, size or color.

I mean this in the bottom of my soul.  If the earth was invaded by a race of green alien women I would be the first one trying to get my “pimp focus” on as long as she had a pretty smile and I could teach her about football.

Just call me Captain Kirk Littal.

–

Hopefully that gives you some insight and you can feel free to weigh in on the topic either here or on the Break Lamps Twitter.

What is ironic when I posted a picture of Reggie Bush on the cover of Essence shirtless on BlackSportsOnline I did it because I thought women would like it.  Little did I know the controversy it would start.

I have Google alerts set up so I know any time people are talking about me or any of my various projects (you will be shocked how many people mention break lamps and nohos in a day).

In is very rare that a twitter conversation sets off an alert, but after the very long debate on the plight of the black women sparked by the Reggie Bush cover (Essence is a black woman magazine and many black women did not like the fact that the Bush was selected for the cover because he isn’t dating a black woman and the issue was on Black Love).

As the alerts kept coming in one thing became clear I was being portrayed as a:

“Sexiest misogynist black woman hating a-hole”

Instead of trying to answer every black woman as a whole I have decided to write my dissertation on Black Women.

I ask you to read with an open mind and feel free to make comments below.

1-      Love should have no race attached to it.

It was just how I was raised.  That love is color blind hence the phrases like “Black Love” has no meaning to me, but I think when black women say “black love” what they really mean is:

“Black Men have hate for Black Women, so we need more black love.”

I get that.

Black men who look down upon black women or think that dating/marrying women of a different race somehow makes them “better” have serious self esteem issues.

What those black men are saying is that they “hate themselves”.  It more about the fact they don’t like what they see in the mirror and the project that attitude toward black women.

Unfortunately there are a lot of black men that feel that way, but I would counter that there are many more black men even if they do date outside their race do not do it as a slap in the face to black women, but like me they just like dating hot women regardless of color.  If she is black great, if she is something else that is great to as long as she is nice and attractive.

Don’t let a few bad apples spoil the whole bunch.

2-      Black Men shouldn’t be punished for trying the women buffett

This isn’t something I feel is exclusive to black men, but people in general.   In some countries they have arrange marriages, now think to yourself how you would feel if your mate was already predetermined.

Some black men feel if they don’t date black women specifically that will be branded as the black man who turned his back on his race or who hates and devalues black women.

As I stated before there are black men who deserve this title, but for the ones who don’t it is a terrible burden to bear.

Some black men just like women.  Doesn’t matter the race, because the only race that matters to me is the “Fine Race”.

No one should be told what preference they should have and shouldn’t be stereotype for whatever that preference is.

The only loyalty a black man should have in regardless to his relationships is to be the best man he can be to whoever he chooses to be with.

If black women choose to narrow there search to just black men that is fine, but don’t hold that against the black man who doesn’t do the same.  That simply isn’t fair.

As I stated on Twitter.  Just because I sample the women buffet table and you just want to eat chicken don’t be mad at me when I am full and you still are hungry because all the chicken has run out.

3-      Why do you care who anyone dates?

Regardless if a black man doesn’t date black women because he hates them, he prefers others or he just happen to meet someone that wasn’t black why do you care?

I remember I was out with some buddies at Hooters once.  I very attractive black woman walked in with a man who look just like Kevin Ferderline.

Immediately my friends were up in arms.

“How dare that black woman be with that white man there must be something wrong with her.”

I am calmly turned to them and simply said:

“Why do you care and why does something have to be wrong with her?”

The point I am making is worry about your own relationships and don’t make blanket assumptions on others.

Just because someone dates outside of their race doesn’t make them an alien or someone who hates their race.

Even if it did, it isn’t any of your business.

People in general are nosey and like to pass judgments.  If they worried as much about uplifting themselves as oppose to downgrading others they will be in a better place. This isn’t just a black woman problem but a societal problem.

Worry about yourself not what the next person is doing.

4-      The Mirror doesn’t lie

The statistics say 42% of black women are not married.

So understandably people want to know why.

The convenient excuse is “the black man” or a “lack of good black men”.

They are waiting for their perfect black man, but alas there aren’t that many around they say.

I don’t knock preference.  If as a black woman you want to married a black man more power to you.  Far be it for me to say you have to date outside of your race, not my place.  If you want to wait for that perfect black man I wish you luck, but I am going to let you in on a secret.

Whereas I am sure the main preference of a lot of black men is to have a black woman in the interim they will have no problem dealing with a white, Spanish, Asian, Karadashian or blue avatar woman.

And if any of the above treat them well they will wife them up and never look back.

The first thing people should do not just black women,  when trying to figure out why they are single, in a bad relationship or not married should do is look in the mirror.

During my twitter debate over 100 black women chimed in (I went back in counted) and some of them I know personally.  While they were taking shots at black men some failed to mention the following:

A-     One only dates athletes.

B-      One says she can’t date a man making less than 100gs a year.

C-      One goes to the club every Friday/Saturday 52 weeks in a row.

D-     One proclaims loudly she has cheated on former boyfriends.

E-      One claims to be a feminist, but openly admits should would sleep with rappers if approached.

F-      One is dating a married man.

G-     One has a bi sexual girlfriend she doesn’t want to give up.

I could go on, but you get my point.  The thing is I don’t knock any of those things.

Once again if you want a 100g man or a NFL player more power to them, because it is their preference, but don’t complain about the plight of black women when the reason you are in the situation you are in is because of you and you only.

As a black man I have more “built in” excuses than any race male or female in the world.  You know how many times black men are told they can’t do something because they are “black”.

If as man I fed into all of that negativity and blame game it would be impossible to be a success in our society.

Racism is real, just like ignorant self hating black men are real in regards to how they treat and feel about black women, but you can’t use that as an excuse for the failures in your relationships.

Don’t focus on what black men can do better, let him worry about himself.  Worry about you being the best person you can and you won’t have to look for happiness, happiness will find you.

5-      This isn’t a war

Someone asked me this and I skirted around answering it because it didn’t have anything to with the point I was trying to make , but I think it is important to talk about now.

The question was if two women were equal in every way and one was black and one was white which one would I choose.

The answer is easy.

100 times out of 100 times I would choose the black woman.

But that is hypothetical situation that can never happen because no two women are created equal.

So you just have to go with your gut feeling and it is easier to do that when you don’t feel pressure one way or another.

I am very careful on how I speak on issues like that.  Very careful not to be disrespectful or call anyone out of their name (even though shockingly women have no problem calling me a lot of things).  This isn’t a war and I am not trying to be insensitive to the feelings of black women.  My daughter is black and I would never want someone disrespecting her because of her race or devaluing her.

But I try to teach her that value and self worth comes from within not what some man thinks.

I apologize for all the horrible black men that are out there.  If I could I would beat them all down for you.

I apologize for all the nohos that are giving black women a bad name.

Sometimes when I tweet or write I am so focus on bring attention to some of the foolish things some black women do I forget to also focus on the many positive things black women do.

I understand it is hard.  All I have to do is look at my boys and how they treat women to understand it definitely can seems like dire straits in regards to black men/women relations, but it won’t get better if we continue to blame and fight with each other about something as trivial as what race we are dating.

It is a known fact that almost all my major accomplishments have been assisted by the help women and more times than not black women.

So I don’t want the reputation of being a “black woman hater” because that isn’t the case.

I am an honest person and maybe to a fault very blunt and direct.  To the point sometimes my thoughts come off as harsh and insensitive.  Especially in a social medium such as twitter where you can’t write a 2000 words article to explain everything you say.

If there is one thing I wish I could go back and change is when I said:

“I DON’T CARE ABOUT THE PLIGHT OF THE BLACK WOMAN.”

It isn’t that I don’t care, because there are real issues out there for black woman that definitely need to be address. Real serious issues and some of those issues are because of black men.  I am not naive I understand that.

What I don’t approve of are black women who blame there every problem on black men, because I don’t believe black men can be used as a crutch for every problem of the black woman.

I find it hard to believe that black women would not agree with me on that point.

I have my philosophies and my opinions, but none of it is based off hate, but based off trying to bring people to a truly color blind society.

That might be an impossible goal, but for the sake of our future as black men and black women I hope that isn’t the case.

I want your opinion on this.  This is a true story I am not making anything up, so lets get started:

This young lady is named Tierra.  She is a “Web Model” (no porn, but nudity).  She has a website:

http://club-tierra.com

Pretty young lady, not knowing her personality, but just basing off her looks I don’t think too many guys would not try to holla at her. With that being said there are millions of young ladies like her walking around. Nothing that special about her.

A friend told that he knew a guy that was buying her a gift for Christmas.  Not because they were friends (in fact he has never met her), but because she asked on her website. 

In the age of bathwaterslurpers I wasn’t shocked by this, but decided to take a look for myself to see what she was asking for.  Here is word for word her “wish list” as she describes it:

Any of you who know me well enough know I love getting gifts and being spoiled! Every day when I get something in the mail it’s like Christmas all over again! Most clothing and lingerie on my wish list usually ends up in photos and videos. So if you want to see me in something sexy handpicked by you, visit my Amazon wish list. Sending me gifts is pretty much like saying “I love you!” My favorite colors are gray, black purple and of course pink. I enjoy expensive and big gifts but I am absolutely addicted to lingerie and shoes. I must have over 200+ pairs of heels and I love love love shopping sprees! Below is a link to my wish list with over 1150+ items purchased and growing, as well as some of my favorite stores to shop at that you can send me gift cards to.

Email Gift cards
Email Gift cards to Tierra@club-tierra.com

Amazon
Macys
Victoria’s Secret

Gift Cards by Mail
Send all these types of cards to my mailing address which is posted at the bottom of this page.

HELP BUILD MY HOUSE!!

At the young age of 21 I am already building a castle! Gift Cards in any amount will help me out!
Home Depot
Lowes

Buy my Groceries!
Albertsons
Pear Kroger
Safeway

The above cards and concealed cash and fan mail can be mailed to:

Tierra Marie
19030 Lenton Pl. S.E. No.228
Monroe WA 98272

Send Me Cash Directly!

There is no doubt about it; every woman loves cold hard green cash! I can get whatever I want with it. Here are a few methods I use for receiving cash gifts. If you have one you would like to use contact me! I have plenty more secret methods that are available upon request

Amazon Honor Pay
Alertpay.com

Send payments to Tierra@club-tierra.com

Green Dot-COMING SOON!

Check out some of the gifts I have already received from all my fan boys and subs!

Send all gift certificates to – tierra@club-tierra.com

Spoil me through Night Flirts!

As you see there is a link to everything she has supposedly gotten from men:

http://club-tierra.com/brag.htm

Diamond Rings, PS3, Mac Book, Shoes, Clothes, Watches, Purses, vacations, straight cash and much much more.

So I did some investigation and the model in question has a boyfriend and these gifts are giving just off the strength of some “internet foreplay” and in some cases just because she asked.

The question begs:

Is she a ho?

Is she an entrepreneur?

What does it say about the men who give the gifts?

Is it trickin if you got it?

Bathwaterslurping on steroids?

We will talk about this on Twitter tonight, but please leave your comments here so I can add them to conversation tonight.

The million dollar question:

WHY DO MEN CHEAT??

I have the answer ladies, so I suggest you take out your pad and pen because I am about to save some relationships (or destroy some, but I digress).

Here are the reasons men cheat:

1-      Lack of attention

When a woman wants a man she is willing to do a lot of things to get him. 

One of the things she does?

FREAK IN THE BEDROOM

She is giving it up and she is rocking his world.  Many lamps are broken in the process.  Because of that interaction among other things the man falls “Balls Deep In Love” with the woman.

Some women though after they have captured the man all of sudden don’t feel the urge to give up the cookies so freely.

Even when she does it definitely isn’t as exciting as it once was.

Before, she use to come to bed in high heels, Victoria Secret and fully made up, now she comes to bed in a head scraf and t-shirt.

Those are the lucky guys.  Some guys don’t get any lamp breaking action from their females at all.

Men are not that dissimilar from women in regards to needing attention from their significant other.  If they aren’t getting that attention or more importantly they aren’t getting those lamps broke no matter how good the man is he will start to search out women who will give him that attention.

And are more than willing to break furniture at the Model 6 to give it to your man.

2-      They get tired of eating chicken

There are women who even after getting with their man “Break Lamps” game is outstanding so no complaints there.

The problem is some men just get tired of being with the same woman day after day, week after week and year after year.

Chicken might be your favorite food, but after two years of eating it straight and someone offers you a juicy steak you might partake even if you know it is bad for you.

How can woman stop this from happening?

Spice up that chicken from time to time. There are many different ways to cook chicken you need to master each one.

3-      The Incredible Hulk

All men have a beast inside of us.  We are predators by nature and our prey of choice is female.

Similar to Bruce Banner to stay faithful we have to control our inner Hulk, because when the Hulk gets out normally:

HULKS SMASH

You will notice a lot of “faithful” men are homebodies.  The reason being if you go outside there are women who will bring out the Hulk in them.

There is no such thing as a man who is incapable of cheating.

Smart men don’t put themselves in position to where they have to make that choice.  It is in our DNA to want to Break Lamps with as many women as possible.  It is our top head that keeps us from just jumping on everything that moves. 

Alas there are some men who just think with there bottom head.

4-      Nohos

There are a portion of women in our society who are attracted to breaking lamps with other women boyfriends and husbands.

Maybe it is an ego thing; maybe they just get a kick out of it, but whatever the reason they are very good at helping along the cheating process.

Men by nature are barely holding it together in regards to not cheating, so it isn’t difficult for men to be swayed by a noho especially one who are willing to do things maybe wifey stop doing a very long time ago.

5-      Because They Can

I have had many friends past, present and I am sure in the future who love their significant others very much, but still cheat on them all the time.

The reason is simple they just don’t care.  No crazy theories or rationale they just don’t care. Women are available to them and they choose to partake in the “female buffet”.

In a lot of these cases one of the first four reasons started them off, but once they got started they could never stop.

Cheating is like being a thief.

When you get away with robbing one bank you don’t just retire you go rob more banks.  Once you have robbed so many banks you start to feel invincible.

Even when men get caught if the judge (the woman) puts them on probation (take them back) they just figure out ways to be better at cheating.

Even when the judge (the woman) sends them to jail (the break up) at this point it isn’t a matter of if they will cheat again it is will they get caught with the next woman.

—

People ask this question all the time:

“Once a man starts cheating can he ever stop?”

My answer is always the same.  Bruce Banner can go years without the Hulk coming out, but once it is let out once there is always a chance it will come out again.

If you want to keep your man’s Inner Hulk from coming out here are my suggestions:

1- Be a freak in the bed often and keep that chicken spicy

2- Be aware of the places he is going (if he is a clubber, strip clubs, late night party guy & etc he probably a cheater).

3- Be of aware his female friends (A lot of times that is just a “cover story”).

4- Create reasons why he should stay at home (learn to like what he likes sports, video games or whatever).

5- If he cheats drop him and don’t look back.  If he cheats once and you take him back he will cheat again.

I am a sports journalist, so it isn’t unusual for me to equate matters of the heart with sports analogies. One of my favorites to explain to people, and now to you, is the art of:

“Contract Negotiations”

This is going to be told from a male perspective, but it can apply to anyone because the premise is the same.
When a team has the #1 overall pick in the NFL draft, that team will spend millions of dollars and many hours scouting to make sure their pick will be the one that changes the fortunes of their franchise. They attend the combine, the pro days, and watch as much game film as they can. Organizations do so many other things that it would take another article, requiring you to go to http://www.blacksportsonline.com to understand.

At some point the team locks in on the player they want and they are the only team who can negotiate a contract with that player before the draft. If they get the contract signed everyone involved is happy. If they don’t seal the deal, they face a lengthy hold out that can set the tone for a rocky relationship.

They way men/women “scout” the opposite sex isn’t that much different than the NFL draft. We spend plenty of time trying to decide the best player(s) for our “team.”

The interesting thing about men and women is that we are scouting for many different things.

One guy might have a team of “nohos”. A young lady might have a team just consisting of a “head guy”. But no matter who you’re drafting you need to get a contract signed first.

A contract is an exchange of promises by which the law will provide a remedy in the event of a breach.
Remove the “law” aspect and focus on the “exchange of promises” and I will explain to you why contracts will make your life much easier in regards to the opposite sex.

When you are dealing with the opposite sex, most times it’s a guessing game:

“Does he/she like me?”

“If I accept this ticket to visit him does that mean I have to give it up?”

The “contract” eliminates the guessing game. Most people think contracts are strictly about sex, which isn’t always the case. It’s more about getting a clearer understanding before you make a commitment/decision.

If you are a man the “contract” is an absolute necessity in your life. Many men have “hoped” that something positive will happen, only to end up disappointed.

I get a contract even if I go to Walgreens for a young lady. This is an actual conversation that happened around midnight a few months ago while a young lady and I were watching TV:

Her: “I want some ice cream.”

Me: “I am the Drew Rosenhaus of Pimpin”

Ladies you can get the contracts work for you. If a man offers you anything, the first question that should come out of your mouth is:

“What are your expectations by offering this?”

Men are so dumb and scary; the guy will be shocked by the question and say something to this effect:

“I am just offering because I like you and I don’t have any expectations.”

Ladies you just got him locked into a contract so feel free to except those Jimmy Choo shoes, guilt free. Fellas, unless you are a baller and just throw money at your “draft picks” you have to be very careful how you word the terms of your contract.

That is why you have to scout your “players” very well and be aware if what I call “noho” phrases. If you are negotiating a contract and a woman says:

“We will just see what happens.”

She might as well be saying:

“I am going to see how much money I get out of him first, and then I might give it up.”

It is very important for the fellas to be tactful when asking for a contract to be signed. This is something I can’t teach you because unfortunately, you have to be very smooth.

Also be aware of which “females” are unsignable. Some women are just smarter than we are and we can never ever lock her into a contract, but because I am the Dean of “NoHology” I can help you with this.

If you really like a young lady, scout out her last 5-10 contracts with men. Women love to talk about their exes so it shouldn’t be that hard. Then, create a profile of the type of men she likes to enter contracts with and compare that info to you.

If she only dates men over 6 feet with salaries 100k plus and you are 5’4” and work at the mall then you have your answer.

Remember the “contract” will save both men and women a lot of wasted time and clarify what each wants out of there interaction with the other before it blows up in your face.

Nothing is worse than thinking someone is feeling your personality when they really are just trying to play “bed gammon” or “simp” you out for your dollars.

*Bonus Section*

Online Contracts

These contracts may be the most important contracts simply because when you have never met someone in person you need to be crystal clear what your expectations are.

Because a lot of things can be lost in the translation of your online love affair.

My first suggestion is, leave the “social media” out of your macking; take it offline (actually speak to the person and hear their voice).

If you are out of town pimpin’, please get a contract signed before you start booking flights. Don’t be like my boy who met a young lady on Twitter and assumed because he was coming to visit her that she was going to give up the goods.

He wined and dined her and got NADA out of the trip.

When travel is involved you have permission to be as direct as possible, and women if you honestly don’t know what you want to do, be honest with the Fellas. Don’t play games.

Trust me, if they guy really likes you he will still come, but if he just had one thing in mind then it is better that you know now, rather than later.

Men, if you honestly know that the only reason you are flying out/in to meet a woman is to play “bed gammon”, it is better to be straight up, so you can make an informed decision about your travel plans. I would suggest if you truly have feelings for her that you go but just try your best to verify that she has feelings for you as well.

In the end “The Contract” is to promote honesty and open dialogue so no one gets there feelings hurt. If you need an agent, remember your Dean of “NoHology” is always available.

Welcome to 2010: The Age of Ambiguity. Well, in regard to relationships, that is. I recently took an impromptu poll amongst friends in the 21-35 age range and learned something that I’ve suspected for quite some time… None of them are technically in a relationship. Now, don’t get me wrong – all of the people that were polled seem to be in some fascimile of a relationship. If my opinion were asked, I would label them as being in a relationship. In reality? None of these people sat down and explicitly asked their significant other if they would like to be in a relationship. They just simply and subtly transitioned from dating to being in a relationship.

Did I miss the day in class that we went over no longer discussing your relationship status with your significant other? Even if I did, I think I’ve caught on quite well. The past four not-relationships I’ve been in haven’t included a transitory discussion. Nearly all of these not-relationships included the dreaded and nausea-inducing trip to meet the parents and of course, the biggest tell-tale sign of them all, the facebook status change. But not once did any of these not-boyfriends and I have a schmoopie heart-to-heart that marked the changeover from dating to being a couple. One of the non-relationships eventually led to an engagement ring and short-lived wedding planning. From dating casually to engaged. No middle ground.

What does this say about our generation that we can’t verbalize that we want more from our not-boyfriends and not-girlfriends? Is it the fear of rejection? Fear of things being awkward if the feelings aren’t reciprocated? Neither of these are things I understand. If the problem is either of these, then GET OVER IT. Rejection is part of life. Get used to it early. Things will only be awkward if you make it awkward. I’m starting a revolution now. Honesty is the only policy I will be accepting from now on. You’re just looking for booty? I want to know up front. You’re not sure where things are going but would like to explore it further? Also acceptable. You’re looking for your future wife and need a DNA sample from me to ensure our children won’t have any undesirable traits or genetic disorders? Keep stepping, buddy. In the meantime, join the honesty revolution. It will be like a breath of fresh air for you in the Age of Ambiguity. Plus, you can put “Revolutionary” under the “Interests” section of your resume.

Also – just so you know… I’m changing my facebook relationship status to “Single and having better and hotter sex than you could even imagine.” How about you? How do you know when you’re in a relationship?

If you’re like me, you don’t really follow entertainment news, but nowadays it’s nearly impossible not to find yourself bombarded by updates on your current celebrities. You’d have to be living under a rock not to have been paying attention to the latest news break in the entertainment industry… Sandra Bullock has filed for divorce from her husband Jesse James and revealed that three months ago she adopted a baby boy from New Orleans named Louis Bardo Bullock.

 This saga is notable for more than just salacious gossip & rumors. First & foremost, it felt good to be reassured that American media was just as capable of going after a white male accused of cheating as they did Tiger Woods. (For those still trying to draw comparisons, keep in mind that Jesse James’ fame pales in comparison to that of Tiger Woods. Additionally, Jesse James had two mistresses, while Tiger had considerably more.)

 You’d be surprised how many times women get the blame for not doing enough in a marriage (see Jennifer Aniston). However, sympathy for Sandra Bullock was strong and not just from her peers in Hollywood. We’re all aware that she took legal action to adopt her husband’s children in order to provide a more stable environment for them, hence intensifying an already growing contempt for Jesse James. Additionally, we find out that three months ago, they adopted a child in a process that took several years to bring to fruition. How could a man commit adultery with a woman with whom he was actively planning a family with? This only adds insult to injury. No wonder she filed for divorce citing irreconcilable differences! How could anyone see eye-to-eye with someone like that?

 When People Magazine revealed their cover with Sandra Bullock and her new baby boy, many murmured about her decision to adopt a black child. Too often, we see children of color being adopted by parents who lack a thorough understanding of the child’s cultural/ethnic background. Sandra Bullock is the exact opposite. For years, she has been a strong proponent of projects that support people of color in Hollywood. If you didn’t know, her concern for a lack of Hispanic-oriented sitcoms on television led her to push for a mainstream sitcom that starred Hispanics. She approached George Lopez & together they created The George Lopez Show on which she served as executive producer. Her goodwill is even more of an indicator of her deeper understanding of social issues affecting people of color. After Hurricane Katrina hit, she donated hundreds of thousands of dollars for renovations, a health clinic & band uniforms to Warren Easton Charter High School, the first public high school for boys in Louisiana. That’s not all, she also set up a $10K college scholarship for the school & when her movie The Blind Side, which she won the Oscar for earlier this year, premiered in New Orleans, she used the event as a fundraiser for the school. Additionally, she has donated $1M to relief efforts in Haiti.

 In her interview with People Magazine, Sandra Bullock explained how she picked a name for new adoptee Louis Bardo Bullock. He’s named after the famed New Orleans jazz trumpet player Louis Armstrong. “New Orleans is his city, and he is going to know it inside and out.” Already we see Sandra Bullock giving a nod of acknowledgement to her new child’s racial heritage & place of birth. Hopefully this is the beginning of a new trend, one where people of privilege take the time to develop a cultural awareness of disadvantaged children before heading to the adoption center. It’d be nice to see the day when adoptions become post-racial, but until then we’ll let people like Sandra Bullock serve as the role model for future adoptive parents.

It’s taboo in greater society, but we all know that makes it all the more desirable. No, kiddies, I’m not talking about smoking loud packs. Your Auntie Ginger is talking about sex in public places. If you haven’t done it yourself, I’m sure you can think of at least one friend that has. Those 1,000 count sheets and goose down comforters may sound good when you’re ready to hit the hay, but not everyone strictly sticks to the mattresses when getting down and dirty. Whether you’re looking for a little something to spice up your sex life or if you’re just looking to add to your sexual “bucket list,” check out these lusty locales and try one or two. C’mon… You only live once.

The Runners-Up:

• Bodies of Water

Whether it may be at the beach, the river, or a public pool/hot tub, this seems to be a popular choice. Sex in the water can ironically dry up your natural lubricants, so be sure to pre-lube things with some silicone based lubricant when making some waves of your own.

• Concerts

If you’re into having theme music to get your groove on to, then a concert is where you need to be. Whether pulling a quickie in the restroom or knees to the stage with your skirt up, a concert will always provide a good memory when you hear “your song” later.

• Carwash

Remember playing Five Minutes in Heaven? Automated carwashes are the adult answer. Drive in, put the car in park, and get dirty while the suds get your car clean. Just be sure to go to the automated and not human powered carwash when you’re getting your freak on. If not, it will be like you’re in a reverse aquarium.

• Stairwells

Stairwells are great for exercising during your lunch break. Oh. You thought I meant walking up and down them? No, children. It’s time to use the stairwell for something a little bit more fun. If there’s a height difference between you and your partner, the stairwell may be the perfect get it on spot.

• Elevator

There’s a reason Aerosmith named a song after it. Love in an Elevator. Go ahead and pull the stop button for a quickie between floors. Just make sure there aren’t any cameras… unless you don’t mind them, that is…

The Top Ten:

10. Balcony

Whether at your hotel on a weekend getaway or at your high rise apartment, a balcony can always provide a hint of the risque while giving semi-privacy. Be sure to enjoy the view when you’re against the rails.

9. Movie Theater
Ah, the movie theater. An oldie but a goodie. Remember way back when? Most kids first got their kicks in the back row of the movie theater. Why shouldn’t you revisit those wonderful memories? Be sure to bring a coat for coverup! Remember, kids… if they ask you if you would like extra butter, be sure to say yes.
8. Parking Garage
Park on the rooftop for a little stargazing while you get it on. For a little more excitement and possibility of getting caught, park on a mid to lower level for a some backseat action.
7. Night Club
Find a dark corner with a couch or an empty table. Have one partner sit while the other grinds on them to the beat of the music. Are you giving your partner a sexy lapdance at the club or are you getting busy? No one knows but the two of you. As for the dance floor, a good rule of thumb is either everyone has sex in the Electric Slide line, or no one has sex in the Electric Slide line.
6. Churches, or Places of Worship
Alright, alright… Let’s hold off on the Catholic boy-rape jokes. Unless you’re a Catholic boy, the church can be a naughty and enjoyable place to have sex. Aw…c’mon. You know your Auntie Ginger couldn’t resist a good Catholic boy-rape joke, kiddies. But seriously – lovers often hop in the confessional to have something to repent for later. How many Hail Marys is that one worth?
5. Library
The bookworm in me adores this locale. Nothing like the smell of old ink and leather bound books to get you going in the sack. Find a dusty corner that isn’t frequented often and fulfill all of your naughty librarian fantasies. Just try not to be too loud. We all know how angry naughty librarians become when you disturb the sanctity and peace of the library.
4. Dressing Rooms
Ladies, when you’re dragging your significant other from store to store and their eyes are becoming more and more glazed over, it’s time to hit up a dressing room. No, I don’t mean for yet another sundress expedition. A certain lingerie store that can keep your secrets will definitely let you both in the dressing room to make sure your significant other likes what you’re trying on. Of course all of the associates know what you’re really doing in there, but isn’t that part of the excitement?
3. Public Restrooms

If you can’t wait until you get home, public restrooms could provide some release. Head over to the handicapable stall, lock the door, and pray to baby Jesus your girl was a gymnast back in the day. Maybe she can get some extra use out of those rails.
2. Parks
True story: Our libidos rise when we’re in the great outdoors. The fresh air makes us feel energized and healthier and everyone has that inner child that still associates being outside with freedom. Most parks have discreet hiking trails perfect for that afternoon tryst in the sun.
1. Roadside
The one public place to have sex that I’ve heard over and over again has been on the side of the road. If you’re on a long roadtrip & need something to break up the monotomy and inject a little excitement into that trip to grandma’s house for Thanksgiving, pull over and engage in some roadside procreation. It’ll take almost all of the sting out of grandma’s pinch to your cheek later. Besides… after driving a long distance at 70 miles per hour, shouldn’t you slow down a little and try 69?

How about you, fair readers? Have you been breaking any lamps in public? Give up your favorite public nooky spots & share the love.

New Year’s Eve, the biggest night of the year for couples. There is a saying that whoever you’re with on New Year’s Eve is who you will be with for the rest of the year.  New Year’s Eve does not lie; it is the night that will tell the truth. How’s this; So you think he’s your man? You’ve been hanging with him many days and nights throughout the year. You both have had so much fun and good times.  Yes there have been days that he has been MIA, but there has always been a good reason or excuse. The man is busy, he’s a business man; athlete; entertainer and/or he has so many family obligations. Maybe he has a baby mama which means he has kids. Now we all know that he’s such a great father so he spends so much of his time with his children. You can’t even try to deny him that. Oh, and how selfish you would sound if you dared to question his time with his children. (he’s probably still hitting the mama, I’m just saying)

Well, let me share Crystal’s story. She’s been dating Ben for 3 years. Ben is an executive for a large bank. Ben is a bit older than Crystal and he’s divorced for about 8 years. He has an adult daughter in college. Ben also travels quite a bit which Crystal has joined him on several occasions.  She’s even accompanied him to one of his company Christmas parties (Wow, that’s special). Ben and Crystal usually touch bases everyday and they spend time at each other’s home. Ben speaks of how one day he’d love to settle down with Crystal, but…

Crystal has a seven year old daughter from a previous relationship. The father is very much in his daughter’s life, but it has never caused a problem for Crystal and Ben hooking up. Well along comes the new friend Lexi who has no problem calling things as she sees them (Well she asked).  Now Crystal begins to look at this relationship as it really is. Ben has never, in three years spent any quality time with Crystal and her daughter together. Says he’s not ready to play a role in her daughter’s life just yet. Crystal also see’s that her and Ben have never spent a full day together on Christmas and maybe only half of all the other holidays have they been together. Ben would always be traveling or needing to share his time with his aging father and his lonely divorced sister, both of which she has met before.

It’s about three weeks before New Years and Ben has not made any conclusive plans with Crystal and she’s beginning to wonder what is really going on with this relationship. Am I really his lady? Does he really want to move forward with us? Why hasn’t he ever spent any time with my child if he really wants a future with me? So many questions with no answers.

Well she asked my thought and I gave her this. “Barring any legitimate reasons, If he is not with you on New Year’s Eve, He Is Not Your Man”. (for all my critics, there are a few exceptions, but in general this is true) I have seen this statement come true for so many ladies, so sad.  Trust me, I know many men who have a way of leading Double Lives the whole year, but when New Years Eve comes around The Truth Will Set You Free.

For Crystal, about five days before New Year’s Eve, Ben called and said that he was going to take his father and sister to Vegas of New Years. That his family had a bad year and he wanted to do something special for them. Poor Crystal was too hurt to ask why she wasn’t included in the plans. Plans which probably were made long before then, Hell she couldn’t guarantee if he really was taking his dad and sister to Vegas. Now Crystal is thinking about the last two New Years Eve, she and Ben were not together for either one. Hmm, he always had some convenient excuse.

Will you be with your “so-called man” on New Year’s Eve? If not, what is the excuse This Time? I’d pretty much say “He’s Not Your Man”.

What Are You Doing For New Year’s Eve