Back in the Leave it to Beaver days, it was customary when a gentleman took a young lady out he would come to her door with a dozen roses and a box of chocolates.

It was his way of “courting” her and impressing her family.  Fast forward to 2010 where Rick Ross is considering “love making” music and things have change a little bit.

Men have changed and women have changed.

In 2010 being a “flower dude” is not what it use to be and in actuality you maybe hurting yourself as a man if you are quick to start “reggiewayning”.

Before I explain why being a “Flower Dude” is not a good thing, first let me give you the four women it is appropriate to get flowers for:

1-      Your Wife/Serious Girlfriend

If you are in a serious relationship with a woman that loves you through good times and bad times,  she deserves roses and whatever else you can think of to show your appreciation.  Men are jacked up, when you find a good woman treat her right and buying flowers is a sweet gesture.

2-      Your mom, grandma or any female in your family that helped raise you.

You should always show appreciation the females in your family.  No matter if it’s your sister, your mom, your aunt or whomever.  Randomly sending them some flowers very sweet thing to do.

3-      True Female Friends

While you always want to break lamps with your “hot” female friends, alas you can’t sleep with everyone.  But if you are a cool guy you will have true female friends who are down for you, have your back, give you their support and are fiercely loyal.  Send them flowers to show your appreciation and to keep them happy.

4-      Post Lamp Breaking Partners.

Only send flowers to the post lamp breaking partners if:

A-     You were really good.

B-      She was really good.

C-      You want to do it again.

Don’t be mushy, just send the flowers and say “until next time”.  She will be setting up a meeting shortly with you.

Now that we have gotten that out of the way let me explain to you why being a ‘flower dude‘ in 2010 is not the way to go.

A lot of people assume when I talk about ‘Flower Dudes’ that I literally mean giving flowers, that isn’t the case, it is more of the mentality than the actual flowers that is the problem.

Flower dudes are the type of men who are either:

A-     Lazy

B-      Exhausted all their other options.

Let’s examine “Lazy Flower” guy first.  This is the type of men who have so little self confidence in himself that he figures the only way for him to get women is to throw petals at a woman’s feet.  He is the type of guy who sees a woman in the McDonalds trying to decide what movie she wanted to get from Red Box just so he can put in his wrinkle dollar for her.

Don’t be a “wrinkle dollar dude”.  Don’t be the guy at the office who likes a girl and sends anonymous poetry to her desk.  Lazy flowers dudes think that paying for a pretty girl’s gas will make her leave her fiancée of two years.  It doesn’t work like that.

If you are a “baller” you can get away with being a lazy flower dude (sometimes) because women are attracted to money, fame and perceived power.  But, if you are regular dude buying random women you just met a whopper from BK isn’t going to get it done.

Now, the out of options flower dude is actually worse than the lazy flower dude.  When a man is “chasing” a woman and losing miserably it is similar to a NFL team that is down three touchdowns in the 4^th quarter.

So what do they do?

They start throwing “Hail Mary’s”.

Roses, candy, coach bags, that red bottom shoe, singing Jodeci on the voice mail, poems, professing love on twitter and etc.

The funny thing about “Hail Mary’s” are they rarely work.  There is a reason they call them a “wing and prayer”.  You are hoping it works, but hope doesn’t get you very far in the Book of Nohology, or on the football field for that matter.

I know what the fellas are thinking:

“Rob you told why we shouldn’t  be a flower dude, but you didn’t tell us why it doesn’t work.”

It is very simple.

Imagine you worked at a job for 10 years and every Friday your boss bought in a box of 12 glazed donuts.  Every Friday at 8am when you walked in you knew you would see those same glazed donuts.

Then one Friday you come in and there are 11 glazed donut and one jelly donut.

You might not even like Jelly donuts, but you would notice it, it would stand out you might wonder how did it even get into the box, you might even take a bite.

Men are like the glazed donuts to women.  Every day men across the world are sending flowers, sending poems, buying gifts, professing love, bathwaterslurping and catering to the female ego.

So when you are “Flower Dude” you don’t stand out, you blend in.

If you didn’t hear me let me say it again a little louder.

WHEN YOU ARE A FLOWER DUDE YOU DON’T STAND OUT, YOU BLEND IN.

Contrary to popular belief, women (the good ones at least) don’t want men who “bow down” to them they want men who are up front and honest with them.

If you don’t believe me, the next woman you meet that receives flowers from a man they are not in a relationship with, ask them this simple question:

“Those flowers are really nice; he was really sweet to send you those.   You must be breaking lamps.”

I guarantee you 97 out of 100 times she will reply:

“Oh he just a friend.”

3 out of 100 not bad though right?  Sort of like a Hail Mary….

Before you start you have to read this to understand where the phrase “reggiewayning” comes from.

Natasha McKenzie Accused of Stealing $93,000 From Colts Star Reggie Wayne, She Claims Affair
A lot of people believe when I am talking about reggiewayning I am saying you should never spend money on a woman.

That would be untrue.

Believe it or not I am a romantic.  I still believe in the “dinner and a movie” premise, but just with a slight alteration.

The crux of reggiewayning is unsolicited trickin.

Say it with me again:

UNSOLITICTED TRICKIN

I am sure when Reggie Wayne handed over his debit card he thought he was being “helpful” to his jump off, not realizing she was a bit slicker than he gave her credit for (no pun intended).

Women are very smart, much smarter than we are, but that is why I am here to help you guys out.  A lot of men can recognize a woman who overtly is out for their money, it is the ones that are subtle that are the dangerous ones.

They are the ones will leave subliminal messages while you are texting back and forth:

(this is a real exchange as shown to me by a female.  The names have been changed to protect the guilty and I might have slid in a BSO plug)

Tina: What you doing?

Reggie: Chilling, reading blacksportsonline, what you getting into?

Tina: I want to go see Trey Songz tonight, but don’t think I’m going to go.

Reggie: Word? Why not?

Tina: I need to get my hair done, but I got to pay my baby’s daycare and you know baby comes first and my baby daddy tripping.

Reggie: He still not paying that child support?

Tina: No and he hasn’t seen Lil Travis Henry Jr in like 3 weeks.  *sighs*

Reggie: He is such a scrub.  How much is it to get your hair done?

Tina: Just like $120 my cousin would do it I need to get the hair though.

Reggie: Well if you really want to go I can get the hair for you?

Tina: I couldn’t ask you to do that, I just really want to see Trey though.

Reggie: It’s cool I worked a little OT so it is no problem.

Tina: You are soooooo sweet; you are such a good “friend”.  I am so excited.

Reggie: Who you going to concert with?

Tina: My girls, I will be sure to send you a pic.

So for your generosity you will get a pic of her hugged up with Trey Songz sans panties.

I asked the young lady why did she take his money if she had no interest in him and her answer was clear and direct:

“I didn’t ask, he offered and I love Trey Songz.  I said thank you, no one twisted his arm.”

See Reggie Wayne can get away with ReggieWayning because he makes million of dollars, but Reggie working at Foot Locker not so much.

Don’t be manipulated by women out of your overtime check.  No one is going to turn down free money especially if you are volunteering.

Plus if you start out handing over cash you will always be seen as an “ATM DUDE”. You don’t want to have that reputation.

The ATM DUDE doesn’t break lamps, he is the guy the girl calls to come over and fix the lamps she broke with the other dude.

Don’t be “moist” if you are going to buy some lacefronts be a man about it, be strong with it:

“If I am buying this hair, first off I am going to the concert and secondly I am breaking your lamps afterwards, cool?”

Reggiewayning is a passive approach and it is based off “hope”.

You are hoping if you buy XYZ she will like you, but what women won’t tell you is if they like you, they like you have nothing to do with your bank card.

The problem is that men read as much gossip as women and they see women are attracted to “ballers” and they feel the need to do the same.

Two things they are forgetting.

A-     Women are attracted to fame and power as much as money.

B-      When the real ballers trick they have the money to cover it.

Don’t waste your time on a woman who is following OchoCinco around the country and you are working at Burger King.  Don’t get me wrong she will still take your Double Whopper, but you will end up the one hungry.

The overall point is keep your debit card in your wallet and only pull it out for women who aren’t looking for it, because those are the women who pay you back and I am not talking about in cash.

Fellas sex is like boxing and lets be real none of us are undefeated. Many suffered a lot of first round knockouts, but that is about to change.

It is time we stop being “Glass Joe” and start being the champ.

Make no mistake, women hold the belts. They have what we want. They are the star attraction.

We are contenders who have to fight our way up the ranks (dates, gifts, long conversations we don’t want to have, going to her stupid family BBQ & etc) to get that title shot.

Some boxers only get one title shot so you have to make the most of your opportunity when it comes.

I am going to take you through a training camp like you never been through before and when we are done you will be calling yourself the “Greatest of All-Time” and she will be begging you for a rematch.

You will be the champ and women from all over will be dying to get in the ring with you.

Just call me Cus D’amato. Time to get to work.

1- What type of boxer are you?

Fellas you have to know your strengths and weaknesses. You have to play to your strengths and mask your weaknesses. Don’t try to be a super hero. If your going into a battle with someone who has a good right hand and you know you’ve been knocked out before by right hands. The lesson is simple stay away from the right hand.

If you were knocked out in your five previous bouts when the woman has been on top of you then please by any means necessary don’t let that be the first position she gets you in.

If you have a hard time going 12 rounds you might have to take a round or two off in the middle. Get you some water or something.

You know your style better than anyone else. Don’t try to be Mike Tyson if your skill set is more suited to be Floyd Mayweather. Be smart and honest about who you are.

2- No two boxers are the same.

Fellas you have to understand what worked on one female doesn’t necessarily work on all.

Females, like boxers, come in many varieties. Southpaws, tall, short, heavyweights, lightweights, defensive, aggressive and etc.

If you try to fight them all the same way, yeah, you might win a few, but more than likely you are going to get KOed because you didn’t train properly.

You have to observe your opponent. Understand what she likes and doesn’t like. Most women don’t agree to title bouts on short notice (unless the money is right of course) so you will have some time.

Don’t be afraid to ask her what her weaknesses are. Create your game plan around her as opposed to just “doing what you do”. Women want to lose the belt; they will help you if you let them.

3- Take a couple of rounds to feel her out

Dudes get KOed quick when they just come in the ring swinging. Women are good with counter punching so if you come wild she will shut you down quick and you will not get a rematch.

You have to feel them out. There is a skill to this because this isn’t the Young and The Restless; no woman wants a guy dancing around the ring for 12 rounds.

So when I say feel her out I mean literally feel her out. What are a boxer’s best tools?

HANDS

No different in the bedroom; use your hands to feel all over her body. Offer massages, head rubs, foot rubs, temple rubs and etc.

I call it TTC

Touch, Tease and Caress.

This serves two purposes.

One it gives your body a little bit of time to calm down and two, women are like old cars, sometimes it takes them a minute to get warmed up.

Don’t be afraid to take a “dive”. Between her legs that is. If you do it correctly by the time the real boxing starts she may take a literal dive and hand over the belt without much resistance.

4- Stick and move

If you did the “feeling out process” at some point she is going to be ready to fight and this is where you are going to win and lose the title so pay close attention.

Unless the chick is absolutely horrible in the ring, you are going to get hit and you are going to get hit hard.

You have to be able to take a punch, but don’t get involved in a brawl you can’t win.

You have to stick and move. Women don’t like to be bored and this is to our advantage. They don’t want you laying on them for 30 minutes in the missionary position just sweating. This is when you have to man up and take control of the fight.

So you hitting it, she hitting back and as soon as she hits you with a blow that stuns, you must:

A- Change Positions

You have to be slick with this. You were knocking it out on the ropes then you got hit with a counter punch so you need to get off the ropes. Now this is in the heat of the action so you have to do it seamlessly.

You have to man up and physically move her. If you were hitting from the back turn her over. If she was on top and you are on your back sit up and wrap her legs around you (personal favorite of mine). If your on top move to a 45 degree angle scissors position.

Doesn’t matter what you do, but get yourself in a different spot. By changing positions your brain will need time to tell your “other brain” what is going on, which in turn will allow you to survive the round.

Females like this because now you are in round 10 and it has been back and forth action. Crowd is on their feet.

5- The Roll

I use to deal with a young lady that shall remain nameless. She use to allow me to do all my feeling, sticking and moving, diving and etc. Then because she is a woman and she was the champ around the 10th round:

BAM!!!!!!!

Never saw the punch coming and the fight was over. Nothing worse than winning a fight for 10 rounds and then ending up flat on your back like Ricky Hatton.

So I went back to my trainer (which is me) and was like how can I combat this?

That is when I came up with “The Roll”.

If you made it to the 10th round you have done a hell of a job and you are probably going to get a rematch, but you still don’t hold the belt. If you have an ego like me you want to be the champ and “The Roll” will ensure that happens.

By the 10th round I understand you are tired, you are hurting and you are running out of gas, but these are the championship rounds so just hang in there.

Women can sense weakness and smell blood in the water, so she is going to try to knock you out. Don’t believe a woman won’t sit around with her girlfriends telling them how she had you gasping for air after she hit you with the knockout punch.

So when that big punch comes simply:

ROLL

Nothing complicated, just roll. Doesn’t matter where you roll to, the floor, side of the bed, outside, it doesn’t matter just roll. Knock over something in the process.

Something about rolling turns a woman on. Something very primal about having such intense sex that you are falling all over the place.

Lovemaking is great, but breaking furniture while having sex tells her you are into her so much that you simply do not care about anything except making her orgasm.

No woman can resist that.

If you roll properly she will submit and you will be crowned the champ.

*Bonus*

“Don’t be Buster Douglas”

For one night Buster Douglas was focused, prepared and determined to be the champ and on that night he knocked out Mike Tyson.

As soon as he got the belt he went back to being the same lazy, unprepared Buster Douglas he was before and got knocked out.

Anybody can have one good night but fellas try to be a long term champ for your ladies.

The whole point of this article fellas is that after the match is over both of you should be exhausted giving each other a hug in the middle of the ring and be dying to fight again.

You might not like what I am about to write, but it needs to be written and I think I am uniquely qualified to handle this subject.

Until I was 14 years old the only white women I ever saw was at my mom’s job.  Then I was shipped off to a private catholic predominantly white High School where in four years there was only seven black girls that attended  the school (and they weren’t cute).  From that point I moved on to The Ohio State University the second biggest university in the United States.  In my four and half years there I was expose to every type of woman known to man.

I grew up in the hood (Natural Bridge & Kingshighway in STL ask about me) & now have lived in the Burbs of STL for the last five years.  I’ve been in the music industry & now currently in the sports media.   Two of the most corrupt industries in regards to how women are treated regardless of race.

I have traveled from coast to coast.  North, South, East and West I have seen it all.

I have friends who might have gotten married strippers pregnant and friends who are just like “Tiger Woods”.

I have dealt with  females of a broad spectrum.  From the bottom of the bottom to the top of the top.

So when I break this down I am basing this off years of not just my experience but the observations of others.  There are four main reasons why black men deal with white women (when I talk about white women I am talking about any woman that isn’t black) and I am about to share them with you.  You may or may not agree with them and you can feel free to comment below:

Reason #1- White women are easier to deal with than black women.

This could be considered an urban legend, but the perception for some black men is that black women are difficult to deal with.

Another way to look at that is that black women won’t put up with as much BS, but since we are talking about men we will stick with what they think.

These black men think that white women are easier to get, easier to manipulate and easier to seduce. 

As my friend James told me once:

“With a white girl when I tell her I am going out all she tells me is to be careful and never blows up my phone.  With a black girl she is constantly paranoid and it gets old.  I rather keep a white girl and just screw around with black girls they are too much to deal with.”

It doesn’t appear to be any “hate” toward the black woman just more of these black men believe it will be easier not to deal with them.

This type of black man has no problem “breaking lamps” with a black woman or hanging with a black woman but when it comes to “relationships” he will take, in his mind the easier route of dealing with a white woman.

Now how accurate this assumption, that white women are easier to deal with is up for debate, but there are black men who truly believe it. 

Reason #2:  White Women are all they know.

I call this the “Tiger Effect”.  You are a product of your environment regardless of your race.  Black or not if all you see around you 24/7 are white women you will probably be more inclined to date white women.

When I was in high school all that was around me were white girls.  So I had dated white girls.  It wasn’t that I didn’t like black girls it was that I didn’t have any to choose from.

Of course when I got out of high school my selection expanded, but for some black men it never does.  If you grew up around white girls, went to school around white girls you probably going to prefer white girls.

I have absolutely no issue with that.  It is just a preference normally not breed out of anything against black women.

Reason #3: Black Men that want to be white.

This is the most disturbing reason.  There are some black men who just don’t want to be associated with being black.  So they do everything they can to disassociate themselves away from their race.

One major way to do that is to have a white woman on their arm.  Their reasons for dating white women have more to do with how they feel about their race as oppose to their preference of women.

These type of black men  say things like this:

“I would never date a black woman I don’t want to seem ghetto.”

Of course I believe these black men should be punched in the mouth, but I digress.  Personally I don’t care what a man’s preference of woman, but to exclude a race, based on your own self hate is very weak minded.

These type of black men rarely have anything positive to say about black women instead they constantly looking for negative aspects about them.

In reality they are talking about themselves but they deflect their self hate on black women.  Which if course says more about them as men than anything else.

They are so concerned with trying to be something they are not, that can’t see the good, not just in black women, but black people in general.

These are the type of black men who give other black men a bad reputation in regards to this debate.

Reason #4 – She is hot

There is this contention from some black women that:

“Black men should date within their race.”

That is foolishness.  Men should date the best person for them regardless of race.

If there are two equal women in all areas and the last determination is looks, I am going with the woman who looks better.

On the flip side if two women looked exactly the same I am going to choose the woman who I feel is a better personality match for me regardless of race.

Sometimes it isn’t complicated it is just some black men are color blind when it comes to women.

It is just a peference nothing more, nothing less.

Once a black woman asked me:

“What race do you prefer?”

My answer:

“The Fine Race”

She seemed confused for a minute, but it triggered with her that I didn’t have a preferred race.

 Some men just like women regardless of the shape, size or color.

I mean this in the bottom of my soul.  If the earth was invaded by a race of green alien women I would be the first one trying to get my “pimp focus” on as long as she had a pretty smile and I could teach her about football.

Just call me Captain Kirk Littal.

–

Hopefully that gives you some insight and you can feel free to weigh in on the topic either here or on the Break Lamps Twitter.

What is ironic when I posted a picture of Reggie Bush on the cover of Essence shirtless on BlackSportsOnline I did it because I thought women would like it.  Little did I know the controversy it would start.

I have Google alerts set up so I know any time people are talking about me or any of my various projects (you will be shocked how many people mention break lamps and nohos in a day).

In is very rare that a twitter conversation sets off an alert, but after the very long debate on the plight of the black women sparked by the Reggie Bush cover (Essence is a black woman magazine and many black women did not like the fact that the Bush was selected for the cover because he isn’t dating a black woman and the issue was on Black Love).

As the alerts kept coming in one thing became clear I was being portrayed as a:

“Sexiest misogynist black woman hating a-hole”

Instead of trying to answer every black woman as a whole I have decided to write my dissertation on Black Women.

I ask you to read with an open mind and feel free to make comments below.

1-      Love should have no race attached to it.

It was just how I was raised.  That love is color blind hence the phrases like “Black Love” has no meaning to me, but I think when black women say “black love” what they really mean is:

“Black Men have hate for Black Women, so we need more black love.”

I get that.

Black men who look down upon black women or think that dating/marrying women of a different race somehow makes them “better” have serious self esteem issues.

What those black men are saying is that they “hate themselves”.  It more about the fact they don’t like what they see in the mirror and the project that attitude toward black women.

Unfortunately there are a lot of black men that feel that way, but I would counter that there are many more black men even if they do date outside their race do not do it as a slap in the face to black women, but like me they just like dating hot women regardless of color.  If she is black great, if she is something else that is great to as long as she is nice and attractive.

Don’t let a few bad apples spoil the whole bunch.

2-      Black Men shouldn’t be punished for trying the women buffett

This isn’t something I feel is exclusive to black men, but people in general.   In some countries they have arrange marriages, now think to yourself how you would feel if your mate was already predetermined.

Some black men feel if they don’t date black women specifically that will be branded as the black man who turned his back on his race or who hates and devalues black women.

As I stated before there are black men who deserve this title, but for the ones who don’t it is a terrible burden to bear.

Some black men just like women.  Doesn’t matter the race, because the only race that matters to me is the “Fine Race”.

No one should be told what preference they should have and shouldn’t be stereotype for whatever that preference is.

The only loyalty a black man should have in regardless to his relationships is to be the best man he can be to whoever he chooses to be with.

If black women choose to narrow there search to just black men that is fine, but don’t hold that against the black man who doesn’t do the same.  That simply isn’t fair.

As I stated on Twitter.  Just because I sample the women buffet table and you just want to eat chicken don’t be mad at me when I am full and you still are hungry because all the chicken has run out.

3-      Why do you care who anyone dates?

Regardless if a black man doesn’t date black women because he hates them, he prefers others or he just happen to meet someone that wasn’t black why do you care?

I remember I was out with some buddies at Hooters once.  I very attractive black woman walked in with a man who look just like Kevin Ferderline.

Immediately my friends were up in arms.

“How dare that black woman be with that white man there must be something wrong with her.”

I am calmly turned to them and simply said:

“Why do you care and why does something have to be wrong with her?”

The point I am making is worry about your own relationships and don’t make blanket assumptions on others.

Just because someone dates outside of their race doesn’t make them an alien or someone who hates their race.

Even if it did, it isn’t any of your business.

People in general are nosey and like to pass judgments.  If they worried as much about uplifting themselves as oppose to downgrading others they will be in a better place. This isn’t just a black woman problem but a societal problem.

Worry about yourself not what the next person is doing.

4-      The Mirror doesn’t lie

The statistics say 42% of black women are not married.

So understandably people want to know why.

The convenient excuse is “the black man” or a “lack of good black men”.

They are waiting for their perfect black man, but alas there aren’t that many around they say.

I don’t knock preference.  If as a black woman you want to married a black man more power to you.  Far be it for me to say you have to date outside of your race, not my place.  If you want to wait for that perfect black man I wish you luck, but I am going to let you in on a secret.

Whereas I am sure the main preference of a lot of black men is to have a black woman in the interim they will have no problem dealing with a white, Spanish, Asian, Karadashian or blue avatar woman.

And if any of the above treat them well they will wife them up and never look back.

The first thing people should do not just black women,  when trying to figure out why they are single, in a bad relationship or not married should do is look in the mirror.

During my twitter debate over 100 black women chimed in (I went back in counted) and some of them I know personally.  While they were taking shots at black men some failed to mention the following:

A-     One only dates athletes.

B-      One says she can’t date a man making less than 100gs a year.

C-      One goes to the club every Friday/Saturday 52 weeks in a row.

D-     One proclaims loudly she has cheated on former boyfriends.

E-      One claims to be a feminist, but openly admits should would sleep with rappers if approached.

F-      One is dating a married man.

G-     One has a bi sexual girlfriend she doesn’t want to give up.

I could go on, but you get my point.  The thing is I don’t knock any of those things.

Once again if you want a 100g man or a NFL player more power to them, because it is their preference, but don’t complain about the plight of black women when the reason you are in the situation you are in is because of you and you only.

As a black man I have more “built in” excuses than any race male or female in the world.  You know how many times black men are told they can’t do something because they are “black”.

If as man I fed into all of that negativity and blame game it would be impossible to be a success in our society.

Racism is real, just like ignorant self hating black men are real in regards to how they treat and feel about black women, but you can’t use that as an excuse for the failures in your relationships.

Don’t focus on what black men can do better, let him worry about himself.  Worry about you being the best person you can and you won’t have to look for happiness, happiness will find you.

5-      This isn’t a war

Someone asked me this and I skirted around answering it because it didn’t have anything to with the point I was trying to make , but I think it is important to talk about now.

The question was if two women were equal in every way and one was black and one was white which one would I choose.

The answer is easy.

100 times out of 100 times I would choose the black woman.

But that is hypothetical situation that can never happen because no two women are created equal.

So you just have to go with your gut feeling and it is easier to do that when you don’t feel pressure one way or another.

I am very careful on how I speak on issues like that.  Very careful not to be disrespectful or call anyone out of their name (even though shockingly women have no problem calling me a lot of things).  This isn’t a war and I am not trying to be insensitive to the feelings of black women.  My daughter is black and I would never want someone disrespecting her because of her race or devaluing her.

But I try to teach her that value and self worth comes from within not what some man thinks.

I apologize for all the horrible black men that are out there.  If I could I would beat them all down for you.

I apologize for all the nohos that are giving black women a bad name.

Sometimes when I tweet or write I am so focus on bring attention to some of the foolish things some black women do I forget to also focus on the many positive things black women do.

I understand it is hard.  All I have to do is look at my boys and how they treat women to understand it definitely can seems like dire straits in regards to black men/women relations, but it won’t get better if we continue to blame and fight with each other about something as trivial as what race we are dating.

It is a known fact that almost all my major accomplishments have been assisted by the help women and more times than not black women.

So I don’t want the reputation of being a “black woman hater” because that isn’t the case.

I am an honest person and maybe to a fault very blunt and direct.  To the point sometimes my thoughts come off as harsh and insensitive.  Especially in a social medium such as twitter where you can’t write a 2000 words article to explain everything you say.

If there is one thing I wish I could go back and change is when I said:

“I DON’T CARE ABOUT THE PLIGHT OF THE BLACK WOMAN.”

It isn’t that I don’t care, because there are real issues out there for black woman that definitely need to be address. Real serious issues and some of those issues are because of black men.  I am not naive I understand that.

What I don’t approve of are black women who blame there every problem on black men, because I don’t believe black men can be used as a crutch for every problem of the black woman.

I find it hard to believe that black women would not agree with me on that point.

I have my philosophies and my opinions, but none of it is based off hate, but based off trying to bring people to a truly color blind society.

That might be an impossible goal, but for the sake of our future as black men and black women I hope that isn’t the case.

THE 10 BONA FIDE COMMANDMENTS FOR THE CHEATING MAN:

I- THOU SHOULDN’T CHEAT.

Cheating is wrong. If you are in a committed relationship and you cheat then why were you in the relationship in the first place?

Sounds simple right? Unfortunately as men our urge to break lamps is very strong. Which is why I estimate out of every 10 men you talk to 9 of them have cheated at least once in their past and I will tell you why.

Men cheat because it is genetic, women have no clue how hard it is for a man not to cheat. We are visual stimulated creatures and women are the most beautiful thing in the world, so it is natural for us to want to break lamps with any pretty young lady that walks by. Similar to a drug addict once we cheat once it is almost impossible for us to stop especially if we aren’t getting caught.

If you know you are a serial cheater just stay single and save a lot of heartache on both sides.

II- THOU SHALL ALWAYS HAVE A PRENUP.

In the immortal of Kanye West: “WE WANT PRENUP”.

This should be the simplest rule of all for the married man. It doesn’t matter if you make millions and she works at Payless or you co-own a business together as a man you will get screwed if the reason you get divorced is because she caught your breaking lamps with a “noho”.

About four years ago I accidentally got the check of a co-worker. Without looking I opened it. after taxes he was grossing about $1500 every two weeks but then you saw all the spousal and child support you know what he was left with?

$475

How in the blue hell are you suppose to live off $475 and that was before the recession. Even if you’re following these commandments, there is still a good shot that your wife will leave you if she catches you cheating, so you need to protect yourself legally. If she doesn’t want to sign the prenup, that should be your first clue that she might not be the one you want to marry.

III- THOU SHALL NOT CARE IF YOUR WOMAN CHEATS ON YOU.

I like to call this the Shaq rule. Shaq follows the cheating code to a tee. However, the one part that has cost him is, when he found out his wife was cheating on him, he flipped out and got all emotional (I can not confirm or deny he went to Gilbert Arenas woman for comfort).

If you are going to have different women in all 50 states and cheat on your woman on a weekly basis don’t be naïve enough to think your wife won’t sleep with the guy she been has been getting “advice” from for the last six months.

Don’t be naïve and think your wife won’t go to a club and sleep with a random guy who looks like Usher and maybe do it in the club. Don’t be naïve if a “George” is whispering sweet nothings in your woman’s ear, talking about how she deserves better and ends up playing “Bed Gammon” with her.

Women aren’t dumb even if they don’t catch you red handed they know when you are up to something, so don’t be shocked if she shows you that two can play that game.

IV- THOU SHALL CHEAT TO UPGRADE NOT DOWNGRADE.

If you are going to put your relationship in jeopardy at least make it worth your while. Always cheat to upgrade not downgrade. I will give you a couple of ways to figure the proper way to do this. First thing you do is rate yourself on a scale of one to ten.

You= 6

Then rate the female you are with:

Girlfriend/Wife= 7

Now you should not be cheating with anything under a 7. If you do then you have a Steve Phillips situation:

Phillips lost his very good job at ESPN, his wife, his family and millions of dollars for this woman:

The woman you are cheating with should not look like “Kevin McHale”.

Short version if your woman found out who were cheating with her reaction should be anger, but in the back of her mind she should be like:

“I can’t blame him I would sleep with her too.”

V- THOU SHALL NEVER SLEEP WITH ANYONE IN COLORADO NOR ANYONE NAMED KATIE WITH A JOURNALISM DEGREE, EVEN FROM A COMMUNITY COLLEGE.

I like to call these the “Kobe Bryant and Superhead Rules.” Something about Colorado and girls named Katie just seems like a recipe for disaster. Actually, you should stay away from Colorado, Utah, Montana, North & South Dakota, West Virginia and any other place that has more mountains than Wal-Mart’s. You should also stay clear of females named Katie, Nancy, Brit, Molly or any other name that sounds like they could have been an extra in Beverly Hills 90210.

Any woman that tells you that “writing” is her hobby should immediately be dismissed from your potential cheating list. The last thing you need is a scorned lover deciding the way she is going to pay off her student loans is by writing a tell-all book about how you like to dress up in a in a Batman costume before having sex.

VI- THOU SHALL CHEAT OUT OF STATE

Most cities even in big cities there is a certain six degrees of separation aspect to them. People just have a tendency to run in the same circles.

If you cheat too close to home there is a high risk of getting caught just by accident. One time back in my The Ohio State University days while I was with my girlfriend I spotted a girl a Broke Lamps with at Target. I literally had to hide between the coat rack not to be caught.

There is a lot of stress cheating in state. Females are crazy will find out where you live and where you work which is not a good look.

So my answer to that fellas is to do your dirt out of state. Here are the advantages of cheating out of state. First thing is normally the person you are breaking lamps with understand this is a one time situation so it is much harder for them to catch feelings. Secondly it is harder for you as the man to catch feelings for a female that you just met for a couple of days. Thirdly it is easier to hide evidence cheating out of state (unless you like Killa Carl and leave empty condom wrappers in your suitcase but I digress).

You know the saying:

“What happens in Vegas Stays in Vegas”

Just apply that to every state and Canada (some fine women in Canada).

VII- THOU SHALL REMEMBER CONDOMS COST $8 A BOX AS OPPOSED TO 25% OF YOUR GROSS INCOME GOING TO CHILD SUPPORT.

Also known as the “Shawn Kemp/Travis Henry/Evander Holyfield Rule.” I had a girlfriend once whose main goal in our relationship was to get pregnant. The reason being, she knew I would always support the child. At that point in my life, I was making $12 an hour in a call center. Now imagine, if I were making 12 million dollars a year (I am close not quite there), how many women would give their right arm to have a little Robert Littal Jr. running around so they can sit watch Oprah and buy Coach bags on my dime.

The point is very hard to lie about cheating when some female has you on Maury.

VIII- THOU SHALL REMEMBER THEY ARE STRIPPERS AND PROSTITUTES FOR A REASON.

A lot of men are horrible at cheating. They fall in love, they always get caught or whatever. If you are that guy you need to take advantage of your resources.

Craigslist is your friend. Your local strip club is your friend. Find you a “Myspacemodel” to trick off. Yes you might have to work a little OT to afford to break lamps, but in the long run it will better for you. Just get a receipt.

IX- THOU SHALL WATCH FORENSIC FILES

Females are like detectives looking for forensic evidence to convict you. Like most criminals men leave a lot of evidence behind.

If you are going to be cheat, but smart about it. Keep your phone locked. Your “cheating” contacts in your phone should be under “men” names. Delete your texts (especially the sent and deleted), Your laptop should have NASA level security on it. Any incriminating pictures, emails and videos should be buried in a file you would have a hard time finding.

Keep your alibis legit. If you tell her you are going to be a friend’s house make sure that friend is aware you are using him as an excuse. If you tell her you are going out of town don’t lie about location or airline. Burn hotel receipts. If you bought a pack of three condoms and only use two throw the other one out of the window on the way home.

Women do not for the most part don’t catch men cheating, men expose themselves.

X- THOU SHALL NOT GET MCNAIRED.

I grew up on the North Side of Saint Louis, Missouri one of the roughest areas in the country and where I am from men get shot three things:

3- Drugs

1- WOMEN

Women will get you in situations that can be life threatening if you aren’t careful. This isn’t even a cheating commandment this should just be a general rule. You need to know the situation of the woman you are breaking lamps with.

Of course the obvious one would be does she have a crazy husband, ex husband, boyfriend, brother, stalker and etc. Because remember breaking lamps is a beautiful thing, but I have never had sex so good I would be willing to get shot over.

Also you have to check the mental state of the woman you are dealing with especially if you are cheating. Most women you cheat with in your mind will be secondary to you. I know you may find this hard to believe but some women don’t like playing the Kelly Rowland role to your woman’s Beyonce.

I encourage all men to watch the program “Snapped’ on Lifetime (look I found it by accident) and if the women you are dealing with act anything like these ladies I have one word for you.

RUN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

–

In conclusion fellas remember if you have a good woman don’t cheat on her even though I know it is hard. You will be better off in the long run, by treating your woman right.

But if you absolutely just have to cheat listen to the Dean of NoHology’s Cheating Commandments and you will be alright. Trust me I am the Dean.

The million dollar question:

WHY DO MEN CHEAT??

I have the answer ladies, so I suggest you take out your pad and pen because I am about to save some relationships (or destroy some, but I digress).

Here are the reasons men cheat:

1-      Lack of attention

When a woman wants a man she is willing to do a lot of things to get him. 

One of the things she does?

FREAK IN THE BEDROOM

She is giving it up and she is rocking his world.  Many lamps are broken in the process.  Because of that interaction among other things the man falls “Balls Deep In Love” with the woman.

Some women though after they have captured the man all of sudden don’t feel the urge to give up the cookies so freely.

Even when she does it definitely isn’t as exciting as it once was.

Before, she use to come to bed in high heels, Victoria Secret and fully made up, now she comes to bed in a head scraf and t-shirt.

Those are the lucky guys.  Some guys don’t get any lamp breaking action from their females at all.

Men are not that dissimilar from women in regards to needing attention from their significant other.  If they aren’t getting that attention or more importantly they aren’t getting those lamps broke no matter how good the man is he will start to search out women who will give him that attention.

And are more than willing to break furniture at the Model 6 to give it to your man.

2-      They get tired of eating chicken

There are women who even after getting with their man “Break Lamps” game is outstanding so no complaints there.

The problem is some men just get tired of being with the same woman day after day, week after week and year after year.

Chicken might be your favorite food, but after two years of eating it straight and someone offers you a juicy steak you might partake even if you know it is bad for you.

How can woman stop this from happening?

Spice up that chicken from time to time. There are many different ways to cook chicken you need to master each one.

3-      The Incredible Hulk

All men have a beast inside of us.  We are predators by nature and our prey of choice is female.

Similar to Bruce Banner to stay faithful we have to control our inner Hulk, because when the Hulk gets out normally:

HULKS SMASH

You will notice a lot of “faithful” men are homebodies.  The reason being if you go outside there are women who will bring out the Hulk in them.

There is no such thing as a man who is incapable of cheating.

Smart men don’t put themselves in position to where they have to make that choice.  It is in our DNA to want to Break Lamps with as many women as possible.  It is our top head that keeps us from just jumping on everything that moves. 

Alas there are some men who just think with there bottom head.

4-      Nohos

There are a portion of women in our society who are attracted to breaking lamps with other women boyfriends and husbands.

Maybe it is an ego thing; maybe they just get a kick out of it, but whatever the reason they are very good at helping along the cheating process.

Men by nature are barely holding it together in regards to not cheating, so it isn’t difficult for men to be swayed by a noho especially one who are willing to do things maybe wifey stop doing a very long time ago.

5-      Because They Can

I have had many friends past, present and I am sure in the future who love their significant others very much, but still cheat on them all the time.

The reason is simple they just don’t care.  No crazy theories or rationale they just don’t care. Women are available to them and they choose to partake in the “female buffet”.

In a lot of these cases one of the first four reasons started them off, but once they got started they could never stop.

Cheating is like being a thief.

When you get away with robbing one bank you don’t just retire you go rob more banks.  Once you have robbed so many banks you start to feel invincible.

Even when men get caught if the judge (the woman) puts them on probation (take them back) they just figure out ways to be better at cheating.

Even when the judge (the woman) sends them to jail (the break up) at this point it isn’t a matter of if they will cheat again it is will they get caught with the next woman.

—

People ask this question all the time:

“Once a man starts cheating can he ever stop?”

My answer is always the same.  Bruce Banner can go years without the Hulk coming out, but once it is let out once there is always a chance it will come out again.

If you want to keep your man’s Inner Hulk from coming out here are my suggestions:

1- Be a freak in the bed often and keep that chicken spicy

2- Be aware of the places he is going (if he is a clubber, strip clubs, late night party guy & etc he probably a cheater).

3- Be of aware his female friends (A lot of times that is just a “cover story”).

4- Create reasons why he should stay at home (learn to like what he likes sports, video games or whatever).

5- If he cheats drop him and don’t look back.  If he cheats once and you take him back he will cheat again.

I am a sports journalist, so it isn’t unusual for me to equate matters of the heart with sports analogies. One of my favorites to explain to people, and now to you, is the art of:

“Contract Negotiations”

This is going to be told from a male perspective, but it can apply to anyone because the premise is the same.
When a team has the #1 overall pick in the NFL draft, that team will spend millions of dollars and many hours scouting to make sure their pick will be the one that changes the fortunes of their franchise. They attend the combine, the pro days, and watch as much game film as they can. Organizations do so many other things that it would take another article, requiring you to go to http://www.blacksportsonline.com to understand.

At some point the team locks in on the player they want and they are the only team who can negotiate a contract with that player before the draft. If they get the contract signed everyone involved is happy. If they don’t seal the deal, they face a lengthy hold out that can set the tone for a rocky relationship.

They way men/women “scout” the opposite sex isn’t that much different than the NFL draft. We spend plenty of time trying to decide the best player(s) for our “team.”

The interesting thing about men and women is that we are scouting for many different things.

One guy might have a team of “nohos”. A young lady might have a team just consisting of a “head guy”. But no matter who you’re drafting you need to get a contract signed first.

A contract is an exchange of promises by which the law will provide a remedy in the event of a breach.
Remove the “law” aspect and focus on the “exchange of promises” and I will explain to you why contracts will make your life much easier in regards to the opposite sex.

When you are dealing with the opposite sex, most times it’s a guessing game:

“Does he/she like me?”

“If I accept this ticket to visit him does that mean I have to give it up?”

The “contract” eliminates the guessing game. Most people think contracts are strictly about sex, which isn’t always the case. It’s more about getting a clearer understanding before you make a commitment/decision.

If you are a man the “contract” is an absolute necessity in your life. Many men have “hoped” that something positive will happen, only to end up disappointed.

I get a contract even if I go to Walgreens for a young lady. This is an actual conversation that happened around midnight a few months ago while a young lady and I were watching TV:

Her: “I want some ice cream.”

Me: “I am the Drew Rosenhaus of Pimpin”

Ladies you can get the contracts work for you. If a man offers you anything, the first question that should come out of your mouth is:

“What are your expectations by offering this?”

Men are so dumb and scary; the guy will be shocked by the question and say something to this effect:

“I am just offering because I like you and I don’t have any expectations.”

Ladies you just got him locked into a contract so feel free to except those Jimmy Choo shoes, guilt free. Fellas, unless you are a baller and just throw money at your “draft picks” you have to be very careful how you word the terms of your contract.

That is why you have to scout your “players” very well and be aware if what I call “noho” phrases. If you are negotiating a contract and a woman says:

“We will just see what happens.”

She might as well be saying:

“I am going to see how much money I get out of him first, and then I might give it up.”

It is very important for the fellas to be tactful when asking for a contract to be signed. This is something I can’t teach you because unfortunately, you have to be very smooth.

Also be aware of which “females” are unsignable. Some women are just smarter than we are and we can never ever lock her into a contract, but because I am the Dean of “NoHology” I can help you with this.

If you really like a young lady, scout out her last 5-10 contracts with men. Women love to talk about their exes so it shouldn’t be that hard. Then, create a profile of the type of men she likes to enter contracts with and compare that info to you.

If she only dates men over 6 feet with salaries 100k plus and you are 5’4” and work at the mall then you have your answer.

Remember the “contract” will save both men and women a lot of wasted time and clarify what each wants out of there interaction with the other before it blows up in your face.

Nothing is worse than thinking someone is feeling your personality when they really are just trying to play “bed gammon” or “simp” you out for your dollars.

*Bonus Section*

Online Contracts

These contracts may be the most important contracts simply because when you have never met someone in person you need to be crystal clear what your expectations are.

Because a lot of things can be lost in the translation of your online love affair.

My first suggestion is, leave the “social media” out of your macking; take it offline (actually speak to the person and hear their voice).

If you are out of town pimpin’, please get a contract signed before you start booking flights. Don’t be like my boy who met a young lady on Twitter and assumed because he was coming to visit her that she was going to give up the goods.

He wined and dined her and got NADA out of the trip.

When travel is involved you have permission to be as direct as possible, and women if you honestly don’t know what you want to do, be honest with the Fellas. Don’t play games.

Trust me, if they guy really likes you he will still come, but if he just had one thing in mind then it is better that you know now, rather than later.

Men, if you honestly know that the only reason you are flying out/in to meet a woman is to play “bed gammon”, it is better to be straight up, so you can make an informed decision about your travel plans. I would suggest if you truly have feelings for her that you go but just try your best to verify that she has feelings for you as well.

In the end “The Contract” is to promote honesty and open dialogue so no one gets there feelings hurt. If you need an agent, remember your Dean of “NoHology” is always available.

Welcome to 2010: The Age of Ambiguity. Well, in regard to relationships, that is. I recently took an impromptu poll amongst friends in the 21-35 age range and learned something that I’ve suspected for quite some time… None of them are technically in a relationship. Now, don’t get me wrong – all of the people that were polled seem to be in some fascimile of a relationship. If my opinion were asked, I would label them as being in a relationship. In reality? None of these people sat down and explicitly asked their significant other if they would like to be in a relationship. They just simply and subtly transitioned from dating to being in a relationship.

Did I miss the day in class that we went over no longer discussing your relationship status with your significant other? Even if I did, I think I’ve caught on quite well. The past four not-relationships I’ve been in haven’t included a transitory discussion. Nearly all of these not-relationships included the dreaded and nausea-inducing trip to meet the parents and of course, the biggest tell-tale sign of them all, the facebook status change. But not once did any of these not-boyfriends and I have a schmoopie heart-to-heart that marked the changeover from dating to being a couple. One of the non-relationships eventually led to an engagement ring and short-lived wedding planning. From dating casually to engaged. No middle ground.

What does this say about our generation that we can’t verbalize that we want more from our not-boyfriends and not-girlfriends? Is it the fear of rejection? Fear of things being awkward if the feelings aren’t reciprocated? Neither of these are things I understand. If the problem is either of these, then GET OVER IT. Rejection is part of life. Get used to it early. Things will only be awkward if you make it awkward. I’m starting a revolution now. Honesty is the only policy I will be accepting from now on. You’re just looking for booty? I want to know up front. You’re not sure where things are going but would like to explore it further? Also acceptable. You’re looking for your future wife and need a DNA sample from me to ensure our children won’t have any undesirable traits or genetic disorders? Keep stepping, buddy. In the meantime, join the honesty revolution. It will be like a breath of fresh air for you in the Age of Ambiguity. Plus, you can put “Revolutionary” under the “Interests” section of your resume.

Also – just so you know… I’m changing my facebook relationship status to “Single and having better and hotter sex than you could even imagine.” How about you? How do you know when you’re in a relationship?

I’ve been lucky to be the recipient of good times, great drinks, and even greater love of some amazing men friends. Some I have lost contact with as I’ve run through the years and boyfriends, but as long as I remember, I’ve had a guy friend only a phone call away. They’ve all had different personalities, appearances, characteristics, and always the varying sexualities, but they all have been there for me. Some more than my women friends. This is not unusual. I’m certain you all have friends of the opposite sex and I’m equally certain your significant other has friends of the opposite sex as well. Whether men and women can be friends has been a subject well studied and debated. I can assure you that it won’t be settled today. For the sake of argument, we’ll assume that men and women can be friends. So what do you do, fellas, when you meet a girl and begin dating her only to find out that her best friend is a guy? I’m sure jealousy is an emotion that may pass your mind, but if you act too possessive, you’ll quickly lose her. The first thing you need to do is assess the situation. Go in with a plan. Does this best friend pose a threat to your relationship? More often than not, the potential threat you may perceive is imagined or is not as vital as you think.

As far as I can tell, the thing with my understanding of men is that more often than not, I don’t understand them at all. Especially when it comes down to adding sex to the equation. It seems like the sex always makes one or both of us temporarily insane. There was once a time that I believed I understood the male mind and psyche, but excuse me… I have about as much of a clue as the next card carrying member of the Vagina Force. What I do know, however, is that the male species has much to offer and friendship is one of those precious gems. Often, that potential friendship is only snapped up by girls like me – women that need a low maintenance friend that listens as much as they speak; they need a friend that is kind, funny, and protective. The kind of friend that is perfect boyfriend material, but for one tiny insignificant detail that turns out to be the biggest deal breaker of them all in the end. There has been ZERO chemistry. That “X” factor. The certain something that pulls you in and drives you mad. Some of my men friends I’ve imagined naked, but for the most part, I’d decidedly have to say not. This is where I’ve been told time and again that I’ve gone wrong in the past. Maybe it’s just me, but chemistry is huge. When a guy walks in the room, I want my jaw to drop onto the floor. I want to, within the first .038 seconds of contact, imagine doing dirty things with him without our societal mandated clothing on. That’s what I want and crave. Not surprisingly, that’s what most females want. In turn, if your girl has not already engaged in some down and dirty action with her BGF (best guy friend), it’s highly likely they won’t in the future.

If you haven’t already, you will need to meet your girl’s BGF. It’s the best way to definitively evaluate their relationship and she will expect you to meet her BGF at some point. After all – up until this point, he’s been the most important guy in her life. Remember to keep that jealousy in check – he’s her BGF, so she’ll naturally be accustomed to hugging him and will have a great rapport with him. Try to befriend him yourself. You’ll never reach that same level of, for lack of a better word, intimacy with him that she has, but all the same… keep your friends close and your enemies closer, right? Once you’ve befriended him, she’ll recognize that you’re comfortable with the BGF and will respect you all the more for it. If the BGF makes it a point to continuously be a jerk to you, your girl will recognize this and you’ll look all the better for your efforts.

Once you’ve met the BGF and have established that you’re superior in every way, (as we all know you are), it’s time to let go of any jealousy or worry you have about your girl’s relationship with the BGF and focus on the relationship that really matters – the one between the two of you. Instead of concentrating on whether the BGF has his eye on your girl or not, put your attention on listening to her. Be there for her when she needs you. There’s a reason the BGF is in her life – there’s a void that was not being filled before and he’s filling it. While you’ll never be able to take his place, I’m sure you could at least take on some of his burden.