People wrongly assume when I am talking about moist dudes I am speaking about the physical aspects of being a man, but they are wrong.

Being moist is a mentality, and it is a mentality that is doing great destruction to the male species.

Moistness in men, is very easy to spot.

The number #1 trait of a moist dude?

OVERLY SENSITIVE

Men shouldn’t really care what people think of us, if you are your own man and you are doing you, how you are perceived by people outside of your inner circle shouldn’t mean anything.

Moist dudes on the other hand, overreact to everything you say to them.  They lash out,  name call, use the word “HATER” a lot and get emotional.

When you are overly sensitive it means you are insecure.  Insecurity leads to moist like actions. The following is a list of  actions you can use as a guide in spotting ‘moist‘ dudes:

Insecure men like to slap around women and think that makes them a man.

Insecure men like to sucker punch dudes when it is 10 to 1 in their favor.

Insecure have a lot of “keyboard courage” when they can hide behind a computer monitor.

Calling women bitches, hoes, basic, sluts and etc. because she won’t give you her number that is moist.

Moist dudes are followers I like to call them:

Mason Betha types

As Jay Z said:

“Check your own video you will always be number 2.”

Men shouldn’t be groupies.  You shouldn’t be tweeting Joe Budden 30 times in the hopes he acknowledges your tweet.  You shouldn’t be defending grown men who don’t even know you exist.  You shouldn’t show up one week on Club Pics rocking “All Black Everything” like Jay Z and the next week you in skinny jeans and a scarf in the summer like you Kanye West.

At that point you are no different than a woman throwing her panties on stage for Trey Songz, you are moist.

There is supposed to be a competitive fire in men. Most men want to be #1, we don’t want to be Farnsworth Bentley.  Are you Ronnie Devoe or are you Bobby Brown? At least try to be Ralph. Kanye West maybe arrogant and rude, but I respect that he wasn’t cool with being Memphis Bleek Part Deux. Being afraid to be the man is #moist.

Men shouldn’t fawn over women.

It’s moist to profess your love for the first girl eliminated on Ocho’s Ultimate Catch.

Bathwaterslurping is moist and women don’t respect that.

You want to know if you are a moist dude in regards to women?  Use this simple mathematical equation.

If you have 10 female friends, how many do you confidently think you could break lamps with if the opportunity presented itself and how many talk to you about the guys they break lamps with.

If you are normal guy that should be around 5, but even if it is 4 that isn’t bad, but if it is 1 or 0 you are a moist dude.

Every woman you meet is not going to be sexually attracted to, but if you are always the “buddy”, you “moist”.

Women are reading this article hoping their “moist” male friends aren’t reading because they don’t want to lose their shoe shopping partner.

Your name maybe Derek, but women know you as:

DUNCAN HINES

Moist dudes are trying to “make love”, real dudes trying to slap ass, pull hair and break lamps.

You make love to your wife, not Tayrn from Pod 29.

Men shouldn’t whine or complain. No one wants to hear your “sob” story about how no one likes you or how women always do you wrong. No one wants to hear that no one listens to your demo or your restaurant you been planning to open for two years. No one want to hear you be negative about everything and ever situation imaginable. Non moist dudes don’t have time to complain and whine, you know why?

Because they are working.

As a man there are some things you can be moist about, your kids and your family that’s it. Anything else is over the top.

Men shouldn’t be drama filled.

I will admit when “Bad Rob” comes out from time and I have to shut down a MySpace Model or random idiot, I am just encouraging the “drama” that is “moist” on my part.

But for the most part, men should stay away from drama and gossip.

Men shouldn’t care about who Kim Kardashian is dating or if T.O. only dates Spanish women.  The important word to take from that last sentence is ‘care’.

We can talk about, we can give our opinions on it, but we shouldn’t care.  When Lebron left the Cavs and men were crying, burning jerseys and were sincerely hurt this guy who plays basketball left their town that is “ultra moist”.

When Dan Gilbert wrote his infamous letter, yes it was ether but it was ether dripped in “moistness”.

Moistness is based off emotion.

Not saying men shouldn’t be emotional, but you shouldn’t get emotional over a Kobe vs. Jordan debate or Nas vs. Jay Z or because your favorite video model is sleeping with Plies or because your chick wants to screw Drake.

That is just wasted energy and wasted emotion.

So when you are feeling moist fellas, just take a deep breath, sip on some Capri Sun and turn the AC on full blast.  Trust me ladies like it when it’s cooler.

What is ironic when I posted a picture of Reggie Bush on the cover of Essence shirtless on BlackSportsOnline I did it because I thought women would like it.  Little did I know the controversy it would start.

I have Google alerts set up so I know any time people are talking about me or any of my various projects (you will be shocked how many people mention break lamps and nohos in a day).

In is very rare that a twitter conversation sets off an alert, but after the very long debate on the plight of the black women sparked by the Reggie Bush cover (Essence is a black woman magazine and many black women did not like the fact that the Bush was selected for the cover because he isn’t dating a black woman and the issue was on Black Love).

As the alerts kept coming in one thing became clear I was being portrayed as a:

“Sexiest misogynist black woman hating a-hole”

Instead of trying to answer every black woman as a whole I have decided to write my dissertation on Black Women.

I ask you to read with an open mind and feel free to make comments below.

1-      Love should have no race attached to it.

It was just how I was raised.  That love is color blind hence the phrases like “Black Love” has no meaning to me, but I think when black women say “black love” what they really mean is:

“Black Men have hate for Black Women, so we need more black love.”

I get that.

Black men who look down upon black women or think that dating/marrying women of a different race somehow makes them “better” have serious self esteem issues.

What those black men are saying is that they “hate themselves”.  It more about the fact they don’t like what they see in the mirror and the project that attitude toward black women.

Unfortunately there are a lot of black men that feel that way, but I would counter that there are many more black men even if they do date outside their race do not do it as a slap in the face to black women, but like me they just like dating hot women regardless of color.  If she is black great, if she is something else that is great to as long as she is nice and attractive.

Don’t let a few bad apples spoil the whole bunch.

2-      Black Men shouldn’t be punished for trying the women buffett

This isn’t something I feel is exclusive to black men, but people in general.   In some countries they have arrange marriages, now think to yourself how you would feel if your mate was already predetermined.

Some black men feel if they don’t date black women specifically that will be branded as the black man who turned his back on his race or who hates and devalues black women.

As I stated before there are black men who deserve this title, but for the ones who don’t it is a terrible burden to bear.

Some black men just like women.  Doesn’t matter the race, because the only race that matters to me is the “Fine Race”.

No one should be told what preference they should have and shouldn’t be stereotype for whatever that preference is.

The only loyalty a black man should have in regardless to his relationships is to be the best man he can be to whoever he chooses to be with.

If black women choose to narrow there search to just black men that is fine, but don’t hold that against the black man who doesn’t do the same.  That simply isn’t fair.

As I stated on Twitter.  Just because I sample the women buffet table and you just want to eat chicken don’t be mad at me when I am full and you still are hungry because all the chicken has run out.

3-      Why do you care who anyone dates?

Regardless if a black man doesn’t date black women because he hates them, he prefers others or he just happen to meet someone that wasn’t black why do you care?

I remember I was out with some buddies at Hooters once.  I very attractive black woman walked in with a man who look just like Kevin Ferderline.

Immediately my friends were up in arms.

“How dare that black woman be with that white man there must be something wrong with her.”

I am calmly turned to them and simply said:

“Why do you care and why does something have to be wrong with her?”

The point I am making is worry about your own relationships and don’t make blanket assumptions on others.

Just because someone dates outside of their race doesn’t make them an alien or someone who hates their race.

Even if it did, it isn’t any of your business.

People in general are nosey and like to pass judgments.  If they worried as much about uplifting themselves as oppose to downgrading others they will be in a better place. This isn’t just a black woman problem but a societal problem.

Worry about yourself not what the next person is doing.

4-      The Mirror doesn’t lie

The statistics say 42% of black women are not married.

So understandably people want to know why.

The convenient excuse is “the black man” or a “lack of good black men”.

They are waiting for their perfect black man, but alas there aren’t that many around they say.

I don’t knock preference.  If as a black woman you want to married a black man more power to you.  Far be it for me to say you have to date outside of your race, not my place.  If you want to wait for that perfect black man I wish you luck, but I am going to let you in on a secret.

Whereas I am sure the main preference of a lot of black men is to have a black woman in the interim they will have no problem dealing with a white, Spanish, Asian, Karadashian or blue avatar woman.

And if any of the above treat them well they will wife them up and never look back.

The first thing people should do not just black women,  when trying to figure out why they are single, in a bad relationship or not married should do is look in the mirror.

During my twitter debate over 100 black women chimed in (I went back in counted) and some of them I know personally.  While they were taking shots at black men some failed to mention the following:

A-     One only dates athletes.

B-      One says she can’t date a man making less than 100gs a year.

C-      One goes to the club every Friday/Saturday 52 weeks in a row.

D-     One proclaims loudly she has cheated on former boyfriends.

E-      One claims to be a feminist, but openly admits should would sleep with rappers if approached.

F-      One is dating a married man.

G-     One has a bi sexual girlfriend she doesn’t want to give up.

I could go on, but you get my point.  The thing is I don’t knock any of those things.

Once again if you want a 100g man or a NFL player more power to them, because it is their preference, but don’t complain about the plight of black women when the reason you are in the situation you are in is because of you and you only.

As a black man I have more “built in” excuses than any race male or female in the world.  You know how many times black men are told they can’t do something because they are “black”.

If as man I fed into all of that negativity and blame game it would be impossible to be a success in our society.

Racism is real, just like ignorant self hating black men are real in regards to how they treat and feel about black women, but you can’t use that as an excuse for the failures in your relationships.

Don’t focus on what black men can do better, let him worry about himself.  Worry about you being the best person you can and you won’t have to look for happiness, happiness will find you.

5-      This isn’t a war

Someone asked me this and I skirted around answering it because it didn’t have anything to with the point I was trying to make , but I think it is important to talk about now.

The question was if two women were equal in every way and one was black and one was white which one would I choose.

The answer is easy.

100 times out of 100 times I would choose the black woman.

But that is hypothetical situation that can never happen because no two women are created equal.

So you just have to go with your gut feeling and it is easier to do that when you don’t feel pressure one way or another.

I am very careful on how I speak on issues like that.  Very careful not to be disrespectful or call anyone out of their name (even though shockingly women have no problem calling me a lot of things).  This isn’t a war and I am not trying to be insensitive to the feelings of black women.  My daughter is black and I would never want someone disrespecting her because of her race or devaluing her.

But I try to teach her that value and self worth comes from within not what some man thinks.

I apologize for all the horrible black men that are out there.  If I could I would beat them all down for you.

I apologize for all the nohos that are giving black women a bad name.

Sometimes when I tweet or write I am so focus on bring attention to some of the foolish things some black women do I forget to also focus on the many positive things black women do.

I understand it is hard.  All I have to do is look at my boys and how they treat women to understand it definitely can seems like dire straits in regards to black men/women relations, but it won’t get better if we continue to blame and fight with each other about something as trivial as what race we are dating.

It is a known fact that almost all my major accomplishments have been assisted by the help women and more times than not black women.

So I don’t want the reputation of being a “black woman hater” because that isn’t the case.

I am an honest person and maybe to a fault very blunt and direct.  To the point sometimes my thoughts come off as harsh and insensitive.  Especially in a social medium such as twitter where you can’t write a 2000 words article to explain everything you say.

If there is one thing I wish I could go back and change is when I said:

“I DON’T CARE ABOUT THE PLIGHT OF THE BLACK WOMAN.”

It isn’t that I don’t care, because there are real issues out there for black woman that definitely need to be address. Real serious issues and some of those issues are because of black men.  I am not naive I understand that.

What I don’t approve of are black women who blame there every problem on black men, because I don’t believe black men can be used as a crutch for every problem of the black woman.

I find it hard to believe that black women would not agree with me on that point.

I have my philosophies and my opinions, but none of it is based off hate, but based off trying to bring people to a truly color blind society.

That might be an impossible goal, but for the sake of our future as black men and black women I hope that isn’t the case.

In 2010 my goal is for the Fellas to unite and do better.  In reality we are all brothers, but we have some things we need to clear up and that is where I come in.

Here are 5 things men need to do better in 2010.

1-      Stop being hypocrites when it comes to cheating.

I call this “Best Man Syndrome”.

In the movie The Best Man the Morris Chestnut character cheated on his fiancé often, but as soon as she cheated on him (with his Best Man) he mentally had a break down.

We have to grow up.

If you are cheating on your chick don’t be shocked she is cheating on you.

If she is cheating on you, don’t blame the other dude or her, blame yourself. 

Now if you have been faithful that is a different story, but if you haven’t you can’t be a hypocrite about the situation.

You need to man up and either forgive her or let her go.  Don’t hold it against her or look down on her because then you should be looking down on yourself.

If you forgive her, never speak on it or bring it up.

2-      Stop lying

First off men are bad liars and secondly lies pile on top of each.  Men lie to women to try to break lamps with them or to make sure they don’t know who they are breaking lamps with.  They also lie just to lie.

We need to stop that.  The truth is better and I will tell you why.

If you want to have sex with a woman just tell her, all she can say is no.  But you will be shocked how many will say yes.

You have to be polite about it, use some common sense and feel out the situation, but if that is what you want to do just let her know.  It takes the guessing game out of the situation.

This is especially handy if you are spending cash.

Before you fly some chick half way around the country to see you or you go visit someone, you must get the guarantee.

If the young lady is “unsure” at least you can make an inform decision.  Don’t spend cash on “hope”.  You will end up being a broke lonely brother.  Sometimes the chick will even tell you what needs to get done to close “deal”.

Also if you lie to women to sleep with them it will only lead to more drama down the road. 

If you are honest no drama, no stress.

3-      Condoms are our friends

Let me preface this by saying if you have a baby by a woman regardless of what your situation is with that woman be a father to your child.

There is no worse dude on the planet than the guy who is impregnating multiple women and not trying to have any relationship with his children.  Don’t be that dude.

Now with that being said men we need to be extremely careful who we are having unprotected sex with.

Condoms are $8

The alternative is if you get a young lady pregnant who you have no intentions of being with is 25% of your gross income.  Not to mention the various diseases floating around.

I majored in Journalism not math, but $8 sounds better than 25% of my income.

In 2010 just wrap it up.

4-      Face>>>Ass.. not the other way around

I blame Buffy the Body for this.  In the last few years if you are a female as long as you had a big ass your face could like Plies and men would slurp  all over you.

That has to change in 2010.

Remember when you wake up in the morning you turn over to the face not the ass.

Simply put if her ass is he best quality then that should be a red flag.  We need to put an emphasis back on the total package fellas.

I am talking about about pretty face, nice frame, proportion body and just a well rounded young lady.

When you are out with your lady people should be like:

“Lucky guy she is beautiful”

Not:

“Damn she got a phat ass.”

More attention for young ladies that look like this:

Less attention for young ladies that look like this:

The  “TOTAL PACKAGE” is what is hot in 2010.

5-      Stop fighting each other

Men get in trouble because of three things:

Women, Money & Ego

Not in that particular order.  The reason men have so many issues is because we are always infighting between each other.

As I stated above we are all brothers the last thing we need is to be killing each other off.

Not saying you have to be a punk, but you only have one life, so you need to be very careful what type of altercations and situations you put yourself as a man.

There are many men like myself that can’t just think about themselves, but have to put their children first. 

Trust me my daughter has probably saved me for entering into situations I knew weren’t the most safe just because I didn’t want to risk it.

Just think before you act.

–

2009 was a rough year for the fellas, but don’t worry we are resilient 2010 we going to turn it around.

It finally happened. I was conned into watching “The Bucket List.” But it pushed me into contemplating my own life and wondering what I would put on my own bucket list. I already have a regular list of things I plan on doing before I start pushing daisies, so as per usual, my thoughts inevitably turned to sex when I became bored with the film and my own musings. So here it is in its near entirety… my dirty to-do list: 
 

1. IT’S BRITNEY, BITCH… 1, 2, 3. I may as well get the cliched one out of the way. How else could you double your pleasure? I actually don’t even have a preference for either a MMF (male-male-female) or FFM (female-female-male) threesome. The experience of having two people in bed at once has to be one of my more narcissistic ideas, but who doesn’t want all of that attention in the bedroom? Can you imagine the sensory overload of two people licking, sucking, and paying that much attention to the intensity of your orgasm? You know you want to have a threesome now. Admitting it is the first step.  
2. ANNA NICOLE IT UP. That’s right… sex with an older man. I don’t know about working the 70-plus circle like the late great Anna Nicole did, but sex with an older man is definitely something that has appeal. This one is all about quality. This is assuming, of course, that sex with an older man would bring not only more years, but more experience. An older man would have had more years to learn what pleases their partner and would surely be enthusiastic about sharing that experience with a younger partner.
3. SLIPPERY WHEN WET. I’ve had sex outside. I’ve kissed in the rain. I’ve even started things off in a jacuzzi then moved things inside. But I’ve never combined sex and water with the great outdoors. How could I combine these two wonderful sexual mediums? Sex in the rain. Imagine a hot summer night when the skies open up & rain droplets pour over your body, awakening every nerve ending as it glides across your skin. Hands sliding over wet skin, clothes sticking to you, hair soaking wet… Thunder blasting overhead and lightning crackling, igniting every fiber of your being, arm hairs standing on end. Is it the rainy season yet?
4. MONOGAMY – NOT MONOTONY. Sex with the same person daily for one month. Now I know what you’re thinking – “What about when it’s that time of the month?” It’s time to let go of your prehistoric hangups. Surely if you’re going to be having sex with the same person for 28+ days in a row, you could both deal with this issue. Lay down a towel or get in the bathtub for some shower sex. Either way, get over it.
5. SEX IN A GROUP. Let me reiterate… NOT group sex. I’m talking about having sex with one other person in a group setting. If you’ve ever seen “Shortbus” then you know what I’m referring to. The exhibitionist in me revels in the idea of having sex in front of others, of having others watch me and my partner. 
6. YOU TARZAN, ME JANE. Sex swings have always appealed to my inner child. The swing set was my favorite piece of playground equipment – the rush of being high in the air and feeling the breeze caress my face as I swung to and fro was exhilarating. Surely the adult version is just as, if not more exciting.
7. SORRY. I’M TIED UP AT THE MOMENT. I’ll be the first to admit that I am a complete pussy when it comes to pain. But I am more than eager to try out some light bondage in the bedroom. I’ve never been on the receiving end of being trussed up like a holiday ham & it’s high time it happens. At this point in time, I’d like to take the opportunity to point out that bondage is not all about the whips, chains, & handcuffs. Not that there’s anything wrong with that or that I’m emphatically against any of these instruments of pleasure & pain. All you need to engage in some bondage is your bedsheets or some work ties. 
8. I’M READY FOR MY CLOSE-UP. It takes deep trust and a great amount of courage to allow yourself to be filmed during sex. You’ve got to trust your partner enough that he or she won’t be carting the video around, showing it to their buddies, or even putting it on the internet. Once you get beyond your trust issues, you’ll have a nice momento to whip out later for a little… inspiration, shall we say?

What’s made your list? You know you’re frantically thinking of things to add to your own to-do list now, so share them!

I’m a pretty adventurous person, but rarely am I an initiator of things from a romantic standpoint. I prefer to sit back, let things happen and see where they take me. From there I will decide if I want to take things further… There is no point, no moral to be gained by reading this story. It’s just a short humorous anecdote here to remind you of hard it can be to pick up on the mixed signals that are sent out in the world everyday. It serves as a reminder to be cognizant of your role in the sending and relaying of those messages, be they literal or subliminal because someone somewhere out there is picking up on them & looking just as confused as can be!

I spend my evenings taking classes at a community college. Over time I built up somewhat of a friendship with two classmates. Things seemed to be going well. We had hung out twice before and they had been very kind to me. The girl would insist I hang out with them; the guy would pick up the tab if I couldn’t afford to pay for food/drink & drive me home afterward. Recently she asked me if I wanted to go with them to see her new apartment. She wanted my help picking out alcohol for her upcoming birthday party. Not having anything else to do, I agreed. I got in the backseat and she joined me. She said she was sleepy & wanted to lay down, so I placed my bag in my lap as a pillow for her head. I rested my arm against her & she starts holding my hand… Okay whatever, I’ve had a girl hold my hand before, but then she intertwines our fingers and starts playing with my hand. Not sure of what was going on I said nothing, but responded to her touch in order to reassure her that she wasn’t making me feel uncomfortable.

Background info: All I know about her is that she just had a kid. I assumed she had a boyfriend, but clearly, you see where assumptions get you…

Facts: I’m a 21 year old college student and well… this sorta thing seems to happen a lot (not to me in particular, just in general). I’m not homophobic, so I kinda just went with the flow to see where things would go from there.

Now I don’t want to jump to conclusions. Fact is, I’m confused. I was a bit wary when she asked my opinion on alcohol. Anyone who knows me, knows I rarely drink, but since we were just getting acquainted with each other, I let it pass in the hopes of getting to know her better as a friend. However, she seemed a little bit too keen on my opinion. As I said, we had been out before – late dinner after class at IHOP one night, drinks at Bar Louie another. Both times, I was broke and yet both insisted on picking up my tab. I was appreciative of the free food, yet suspicious of their kindness.

While in the car I remark that her bracelet is pretty. She looks at it, takes it off and gives it to me as a gift. I insist that it’s a nice gesture, but I didn’t want it. She insisted that I take it.

We go to a store and she let’s me pick out a bottle of wine & grab some cheese & crackers to munch on while the wine is chilling. We all head up to her place and she shows me around. At this point, things seem to settle down.  I start to relax. Maybe it was all in my head, I think to myself. Boy, I must have some ego thinking that this girl was hitting on me. I let it go and we begin drinking wine. She doesn’t have wine glasses, so we’re drinking wine from regular glasses and the guy is practically filling my cup up to the rim. Suffice to say, I’m starting to get tipsy. We sit down and watch a movie.  On the way out of the kitchen the guy laughingly pats me on my butt.

I’ve been asked to describe the pat on the butt – it wasn’t a squeeze. He didn’t come off like he was trying to cop a feel, but it felt more friendly than the pats guys give each other on the football field – kinda like he was testing the water to see how drunk I was…  Again, I let it go.

This is an unnecessary detail, but I’m gonna add it anyway. While we’re watching the movie, the girl, goes, gets her baby and starts breastfeeding in front of us. I’m sure I’ve seen it done before, but had never taken an interest before now. She didn’t try to hide or cover herself. She felt no shame (nor should she, seeing as how she was in her own home). I was in awe of her and dare I say it, somewhat turned on…

Now I’m really confused! I’m tipsy and I’m fairly sure both of them hit on me. I don’t even know what their relationship is with one another! They are close and I can’t help but wonder if there is/was a romantic connection between the two of them. I’m concerned that they might both be flirting with me without the other being aware of it. This is getting complicated, fast.

Night is drawing to a close. The movie has ended and she has fallen asleep on the couch. I suggest that we head out at this time. He agrees. We’re flying down Lake Shore Dr at 60 mph at midnight. It’s truly one of the best driving experiences you could have in the city of Chicago. We near my exit and he asks me if I want to see his place. We just came from her place, so I see no harm in going to his place; plus it’s a beautiful night and I don’t want the drive to end just yet, so we zoom on down past my exit towards his place.

The closer we get to his place, the more sobering my thoughts are… “Why did I agree to this? Maybe we won’t go in… maybe he’ll just point his house out and then take me home.” I laugh cynically at myself for having such naive thoughts. As dark as it is, I know that there is no chance that he’s going to just drive by without stopping in, so I steel myself for what to say once we arrive.

We park & go inside. “What a nice place you have!” I shout from the kitchen, afraid to go in any further. I walk around his place, timidly stick my head in each room. I stand inches from his bedroom door. I have no inclination whatsoever of sticking my feet into that room. He watches me grow across the room gauging my reaction. “So I guess you’re done drinking for the night.” he says. “Yes”, I say rather firmly, adding “in fact I hadn’t realized it was so late…” He grabs his keys and we head for the door. 15 minutes later he’s dropping me off at home and wishing me a good night.

So what do you think? Am I overreacting? Could this be boiled down to an issue of cultural differences? Or am I being naive about the while thing? Let me know what you think!

I’ve been lucky to be the recipient of good times, great drinks, and even greater love of some amazing men friends. Some I have lost contact with as I’ve run through the years and boyfriends, but as long as I remember, I’ve had a guy friend only a phone call away. They’ve all had different personalities, appearances, characteristics, and always the varying sexualities, but they all have been there for me. Some more than my women friends. This is not unusual. I’m certain you all have friends of the opposite sex and I’m equally certain your significant other has friends of the opposite sex as well. Whether men and women can be friends has been a subject well studied and debated. I can assure you that it won’t be settled today. For the sake of argument, we’ll assume that men and women can be friends. So what do you do, fellas, when you meet a girl and begin dating her only to find out that her best friend is a guy? I’m sure jealousy is an emotion that may pass your mind, but if you act too possessive, you’ll quickly lose her. The first thing you need to do is assess the situation. Go in with a plan. Does this best friend pose a threat to your relationship? More often than not, the potential threat you may perceive is imagined or is not as vital as you think.

As far as I can tell, the thing with my understanding of men is that more often than not, I don’t understand them at all. Especially when it comes down to adding sex to the equation. It seems like the sex always makes one or both of us temporarily insane. There was once a time that I believed I understood the male mind and psyche, but excuse me… I have about as much of a clue as the next card carrying member of the Vagina Force. What I do know, however, is that the male species has much to offer and friendship is one of those precious gems. Often, that potential friendship is only snapped up by girls like me – women that need a low maintenance friend that listens as much as they speak; they need a friend that is kind, funny, and protective. The kind of friend that is perfect boyfriend material, but for one tiny insignificant detail that turns out to be the biggest deal breaker of them all in the end. There has been ZERO chemistry. That “X” factor. The certain something that pulls you in and drives you mad. Some of my men friends I’ve imagined naked, but for the most part, I’d decidedly have to say not. This is where I’ve been told time and again that I’ve gone wrong in the past. Maybe it’s just me, but chemistry is huge. When a guy walks in the room, I want my jaw to drop onto the floor. I want to, within the first .038 seconds of contact, imagine doing dirty things with him without our societal mandated clothing on. That’s what I want and crave. Not surprisingly, that’s what most females want. In turn, if your girl has not already engaged in some down and dirty action with her BGF (best guy friend), it’s highly likely they won’t in the future.

If you haven’t already, you will need to meet your girl’s BGF. It’s the best way to definitively evaluate their relationship and she will expect you to meet her BGF at some point. After all – up until this point, he’s been the most important guy in her life. Remember to keep that jealousy in check – he’s her BGF, so she’ll naturally be accustomed to hugging him and will have a great rapport with him. Try to befriend him yourself. You’ll never reach that same level of, for lack of a better word, intimacy with him that she has, but all the same… keep your friends close and your enemies closer, right? Once you’ve befriended him, she’ll recognize that you’re comfortable with the BGF and will respect you all the more for it. If the BGF makes it a point to continuously be a jerk to you, your girl will recognize this and you’ll look all the better for your efforts.

Once you’ve met the BGF and have established that you’re superior in every way, (as we all know you are), it’s time to let go of any jealousy or worry you have about your girl’s relationship with the BGF and focus on the relationship that really matters – the one between the two of you. Instead of concentrating on whether the BGF has his eye on your girl or not, put your attention on listening to her. Be there for her when she needs you. There’s a reason the BGF is in her life – there’s a void that was not being filled before and he’s filling it. While you’ll never be able to take his place, I’m sure you could at least take on some of his burden.

If you’re like me, you don’t really follow entertainment news, but nowadays it’s nearly impossible not to find yourself bombarded by updates on your current celebrities. You’d have to be living under a rock not to have been paying attention to the latest news break in the entertainment industry… Sandra Bullock has filed for divorce from her husband Jesse James and revealed that three months ago she adopted a baby boy from New Orleans named Louis Bardo Bullock.

 This saga is notable for more than just salacious gossip & rumors. First & foremost, it felt good to be reassured that American media was just as capable of going after a white male accused of cheating as they did Tiger Woods. (For those still trying to draw comparisons, keep in mind that Jesse James’ fame pales in comparison to that of Tiger Woods. Additionally, Jesse James had two mistresses, while Tiger had considerably more.)

 You’d be surprised how many times women get the blame for not doing enough in a marriage (see Jennifer Aniston). However, sympathy for Sandra Bullock was strong and not just from her peers in Hollywood. We’re all aware that she took legal action to adopt her husband’s children in order to provide a more stable environment for them, hence intensifying an already growing contempt for Jesse James. Additionally, we find out that three months ago, they adopted a child in a process that took several years to bring to fruition. How could a man commit adultery with a woman with whom he was actively planning a family with? This only adds insult to injury. No wonder she filed for divorce citing irreconcilable differences! How could anyone see eye-to-eye with someone like that?

 When People Magazine revealed their cover with Sandra Bullock and her new baby boy, many murmured about her decision to adopt a black child. Too often, we see children of color being adopted by parents who lack a thorough understanding of the child’s cultural/ethnic background. Sandra Bullock is the exact opposite. For years, she has been a strong proponent of projects that support people of color in Hollywood. If you didn’t know, her concern for a lack of Hispanic-oriented sitcoms on television led her to push for a mainstream sitcom that starred Hispanics. She approached George Lopez & together they created The George Lopez Show on which she served as executive producer. Her goodwill is even more of an indicator of her deeper understanding of social issues affecting people of color. After Hurricane Katrina hit, she donated hundreds of thousands of dollars for renovations, a health clinic & band uniforms to Warren Easton Charter High School, the first public high school for boys in Louisiana. That’s not all, she also set up a $10K college scholarship for the school & when her movie The Blind Side, which she won the Oscar for earlier this year, premiered in New Orleans, she used the event as a fundraiser for the school. Additionally, she has donated $1M to relief efforts in Haiti.

 In her interview with People Magazine, Sandra Bullock explained how she picked a name for new adoptee Louis Bardo Bullock. He’s named after the famed New Orleans jazz trumpet player Louis Armstrong. “New Orleans is his city, and he is going to know it inside and out.” Already we see Sandra Bullock giving a nod of acknowledgement to her new child’s racial heritage & place of birth. Hopefully this is the beginning of a new trend, one where people of privilege take the time to develop a cultural awareness of disadvantaged children before heading to the adoption center. It’d be nice to see the day when adoptions become post-racial, but until then we’ll let people like Sandra Bullock serve as the role model for future adoptive parents.

It’s taboo in greater society, but we all know that makes it all the more desirable. No, kiddies, I’m not talking about smoking loud packs. Your Auntie Ginger is talking about sex in public places. If you haven’t done it yourself, I’m sure you can think of at least one friend that has. Those 1,000 count sheets and goose down comforters may sound good when you’re ready to hit the hay, but not everyone strictly sticks to the mattresses when getting down and dirty. Whether you’re looking for a little something to spice up your sex life or if you’re just looking to add to your sexual “bucket list,” check out these lusty locales and try one or two. C’mon… You only live once.

The Runners-Up:

• Bodies of Water

Whether it may be at the beach, the river, or a public pool/hot tub, this seems to be a popular choice. Sex in the water can ironically dry up your natural lubricants, so be sure to pre-lube things with some silicone based lubricant when making some waves of your own.

• Concerts

If you’re into having theme music to get your groove on to, then a concert is where you need to be. Whether pulling a quickie in the restroom or knees to the stage with your skirt up, a concert will always provide a good memory when you hear “your song” later.

• Carwash

Remember playing Five Minutes in Heaven? Automated carwashes are the adult answer. Drive in, put the car in park, and get dirty while the suds get your car clean. Just be sure to go to the automated and not human powered carwash when you’re getting your freak on. If not, it will be like you’re in a reverse aquarium.

• Stairwells

Stairwells are great for exercising during your lunch break. Oh. You thought I meant walking up and down them? No, children. It’s time to use the stairwell for something a little bit more fun. If there’s a height difference between you and your partner, the stairwell may be the perfect get it on spot.

• Elevator

There’s a reason Aerosmith named a song after it. Love in an Elevator. Go ahead and pull the stop button for a quickie between floors. Just make sure there aren’t any cameras… unless you don’t mind them, that is…

The Top Ten:

10. Balcony

Whether at your hotel on a weekend getaway or at your high rise apartment, a balcony can always provide a hint of the risque while giving semi-privacy. Be sure to enjoy the view when you’re against the rails.

9. Movie Theater
Ah, the movie theater. An oldie but a goodie. Remember way back when? Most kids first got their kicks in the back row of the movie theater. Why shouldn’t you revisit those wonderful memories? Be sure to bring a coat for coverup! Remember, kids… if they ask you if you would like extra butter, be sure to say yes.
8. Parking Garage
Park on the rooftop for a little stargazing while you get it on. For a little more excitement and possibility of getting caught, park on a mid to lower level for a some backseat action.
7. Night Club
Find a dark corner with a couch or an empty table. Have one partner sit while the other grinds on them to the beat of the music. Are you giving your partner a sexy lapdance at the club or are you getting busy? No one knows but the two of you. As for the dance floor, a good rule of thumb is either everyone has sex in the Electric Slide line, or no one has sex in the Electric Slide line.
6. Churches, or Places of Worship
Alright, alright… Let’s hold off on the Catholic boy-rape jokes. Unless you’re a Catholic boy, the church can be a naughty and enjoyable place to have sex. Aw…c’mon. You know your Auntie Ginger couldn’t resist a good Catholic boy-rape joke, kiddies. But seriously – lovers often hop in the confessional to have something to repent for later. How many Hail Marys is that one worth?
5. Library
The bookworm in me adores this locale. Nothing like the smell of old ink and leather bound books to get you going in the sack. Find a dusty corner that isn’t frequented often and fulfill all of your naughty librarian fantasies. Just try not to be too loud. We all know how angry naughty librarians become when you disturb the sanctity and peace of the library.
4. Dressing Rooms
Ladies, when you’re dragging your significant other from store to store and their eyes are becoming more and more glazed over, it’s time to hit up a dressing room. No, I don’t mean for yet another sundress expedition. A certain lingerie store that can keep your secrets will definitely let you both in the dressing room to make sure your significant other likes what you’re trying on. Of course all of the associates know what you’re really doing in there, but isn’t that part of the excitement?
3. Public Restrooms

If you can’t wait until you get home, public restrooms could provide some release. Head over to the handicapable stall, lock the door, and pray to baby Jesus your girl was a gymnast back in the day. Maybe she can get some extra use out of those rails.
2. Parks
True story: Our libidos rise when we’re in the great outdoors. The fresh air makes us feel energized and healthier and everyone has that inner child that still associates being outside with freedom. Most parks have discreet hiking trails perfect for that afternoon tryst in the sun.
1. Roadside
The one public place to have sex that I’ve heard over and over again has been on the side of the road. If you’re on a long roadtrip & need something to break up the monotomy and inject a little excitement into that trip to grandma’s house for Thanksgiving, pull over and engage in some roadside procreation. It’ll take almost all of the sting out of grandma’s pinch to your cheek later. Besides… after driving a long distance at 70 miles per hour, shouldn’t you slow down a little and try 69?

How about you, fair readers? Have you been breaking any lamps in public? Give up your favorite public nooky spots & share the love.

We are constantly talking about men cheating (blame Tiger).  I am a realist so I accept the fact the majority people are cheating, but that doesn’t mean it is right, so I am going to give the fellas some tips to how to be in the small percentile of men who don’t cheat:

1-      Stay out of cheating situations

Very hard not to cheat if you are staring at a naked women.  Very hard not to cheat when you continue to flirt with the woman who you know wants to sleep with you.  Very hard not to cheat when you are at the strip club every weekend and you just happened to find a free $100 bill.  Very hard not to cheat when you would sleep with Precious.

Easiest way not to cheat, don’t give yourself the option to have to turn it down.

2-      Get a hobby (multiple hobbies if possible)

One of the reason men cheat?  Has nothing to do with their woman a lot of times.  They are just bored.  Same reason people drink for no particular reason.  They are looking for some excitement in their life and what is more exciting than having an affair.

Find something else to occupy that “time”.

3-      Internet Porn

There is plenty available, so feel free to use it.

4-      Social Media Etiquette

You are a grown ass man so you shouldn’t have to ban yourself from facebook, twitter, MySpace, Skype, ichat and etc but for goodness sake don’t be a social media whore.

Keep the flirting to a minimum and when she sends you a naked picture that is a sign to fall back.  Remember people can be whoever they want to be online.  You only see the best of them.  If you cheat with someone on Social Media don’t be shocked if the person who cheat with is really is the opposite of who you thought and is hanging out in your bushes.

5-      HALF & 25%

If you married that how much you going to lose in a divorce and if you aren’t marry but have a kid that is how much of your discretional income comes out in child support.

Any questions?

I am a man of logic.  My NoHology teaches two things:

Truth & Common Sense.

An open marriage isn’t truthful and doesn’t make sense.  People who have an open marriage will tell you that what they are doing is being totally and 100% honest with each other.  That the reason they have an open marriage is so there aren’t any secrets.

They are lying to you and to themselves and I will tell you why.

If you really wanted things to be “open” they wouldn’t be married in the first place.

Marriage is a legal binding agreement.

In essence it is a contract and when a contract is broken you know where you end up?

In court.

So unless, in your prenuptial agreement you specifically state that you cannot use “breaking lamps” as a reason for the divorce your open marriage is a farce.

For men I can see how this can be an attractive alternative.  You get the happy home life while breaking lamps at your leisure.  But I ask you Fellas when something sounds too good to be true what do you normally think?

In my opinion women who agree to “open marriages” have self esteem issues, because if they wanted to be that free they wouldn’t get married in the first place.

You listen to Monique talk about how if her husband sleeping with 25 women wouldn’t be a deal breaker. 

Think about this logically.  You are married and you are the primary bread winner in the family, but you are going to allow your man to put deposit his package in 25 foreign mailboxes and then come home to you?

That isn’t a strong woman that is a stupid woman.

If you want an open relationship it is so simple, don’t get married.   How much open can you be?  Because a truly open relationship means you can walk away at any time with no repercussions.  I don’t care if your marriage is as an open Bang Bros DVD, if you try to walk away from a marriage there are always repercussions.

This is how men get trapped and taken advantage of.  I am sure some athlete right now is being told by his fiancée’ that she doesn’t mind what he does; she just wants to be with him forever.  

Next thing you know seven years later he is Allen Iverson, he is Shaquille O’Neal or he is Tiger Woods.

This goes for men and women if you want to be in an open relationship here are the real steps you should take:

1-      Tell them upfront no marriage & you can leave at anytime.

They can pretend to be your wife or your husband but you are free come and go as you please.  You are free to break lamps with whoever you like.  Make it clear they are your “main” person, but if the situation changes you can walk away no harm, no foul.

2-      Be sure your emotions handle an open relationship.

This is especially for men who will  break lamps with any woman we can find, but if we find out our precious girlfriend is getting her back blown out by the bouncer at the club we are to go shoot someone.  You have to keep your feelings in check.

Ladies if you agree to this you can’t be following your man and checking his cell phone every five minutes.  Open means open.

3-      Don’t lie, but don’t embarrass you main person

Simply put being in an Open Relationship is about respect.  Men if you have a main girl don’t flaunt your nohos all over the city.  Show her some respect.  If she asks you a question answer it honestly and truthfully.

Same goes for the ladies.  Don’t cause drama, because being in an open relationship is about being drama free.

Next time you hear someone say they are in an “open marriage” tell them the Dean of NoHology told you they aren’t fooling anyone.  Case closed.