The month July, the year 2008 and the location Santa Monica, California. After shooting a commercial (watch the commercial at the end of this article) and enjoying a dinner at PF Changs (yes even before twitter and before the #nohos I was repping The Chang) me and a young lady we will call “Little D” (names are withheld to protect the guilty) made our way back to The Ambrose hotel for a “boxing match”.

The young lady in question was 21 years old, recently broke up with her boyfriend of four years and was in prime condition to just devour some unsuspecting dude.

I on the other hand at the time was 29 years old and showing signs of being past my prime (#ladaintomlinsondude?). Add on to the fact that I hadn’t played Bed Gammon for awhile and was coming from a 12 hour commercial shoot it was obvious who had the advantage in this match up.

But I am an old champ and since “Sex is like Boxing” I thought I was ready for her 1st round onslaught until while I was getting my #snoopdog on she screamed out:

“PULL MY M*THERF*CKIN HAIR!!”

This was before I had developed my #lacefront alerts, so I was a little taken back by her demands, but I am able to adapt in the ring, so I switch from #cinemaxafterdark to #mrmarcus sans the fitted cap.

She tried to make me tap out in the Scorpion position, but I just #spidermanned my way out of that situation.

Everything was going well. I was bobbing and weaving. Throwing hooks and jabs making sure to go to the body.

Looked like I was going to get a decision until she went all Sharon Stone in Basic Instinct and decided to pull out some handcuffs and lock me up.

At that point two things were going to happen either I was going to get robbed a la George on Seinfeld or the boxing match was going to be over pretty quickly.

Turns out it would be the latter.

As she finished very similar to Sharon Stone she swung her arms and unbeknown to me the Ambrose lamps were not bolted down and that is when I uttered the famous phrase that I didn’t know a year later would help spark a revolution:

“You know it is good sex when you break lamps”

The definition of Break Lamps is simple all it means it is damn good sex.

If you are biting the pillow so hard that Forensic Files could ID you from the impression you have “broken lamps”.

If you can’t remember you own name after sex you have “broken lamps”.

If the agree upon price was $250 and the #noho left with $500 you have “broken lamps”.

If you wake up the new morning and realize all your money and credit cards are gone and you #kanyeshrug you have “broken lamps”.

If your #lacefront is lying on the bed beside you and not on your head you have “broken lamps”.

If your flight was schedule to leave on Sunday and you stay to Tuesday you have “broken lamps”.

If you used the lord name in combination with several curse words you have “broken lamps”.

If you aren’t breaking lamps in 2009 I feel for you because there is no excuse for bad sex. It is like being hungry and going to the buffet and all they have is salad. Not exactly what you had in mind.

Step your sex game and break something.