Recently someone on twitter asked me a simple question:

“Robert what is a bathwaterslurper?”

My answer was simple and to the point.

When a woman tells a guy to “jump” his response is to hire “Kriss Kross”.

The “Bathwaterslurping” epidemic is infecting more men than the “Swine Flu” so it is my job as the Dean of Nohology to educate you on the two different versions of Slurpers that are in our society. You might want to take notes.

1- The Male on Female Slurping

This is the most common bathwaterslurper. Let me be clear there is absolutely nothing wrong with complimenting a woman. Women if they deserve it should be complimented, but there is also nothing wrong with giving a woman an honest opinion even if it differs from hers.

Bathwaterslurpers seem incapable of doing this and I will tell you why.

They are scared. They are so insecure in their own manhood they believe if they disagree with the woman in any way they won’t “like them” and that is when conversations like this happened.

This is a real conversation that I observed on twitter:

Girl- “I hate that b*tch she is so fake.”

BWS- “No, but I’ve been following you for a minute and your MySpace is hot”.

Bathwaterslurpers are the men who women call to have lunch with when they are having problems with their real man. They are not gay because they want to sleep with these women they just don’t know how. They are the type who takes the women out to see the Tyler Perry Movie and when they dropped them off I pull up to “break lamps”.

Bathwaterslurpers are always in bad contracts like the “head guy” contract. That is the contract where the men gives oral pleasure to the woman and gets nothing in return. They are doing it on hope, but if you are a man and you are currently doing this.

As a man I want you to think about this. You are giving “free orgasms” to a woman and you seriously think she is just one day all of sudden going to give it up? If I was standing in front of the men who are doing this I would seriously try to slap some sense into them. Man up and tell that woman you are either breaking lamps or she has to give up the Brainiac or you are out. Have some self respect.

The bathwaterslurping for “myspacemodels” have reached an all time high. I can not confirm or deny that I am a member of a few “porn forums”, but if I was you should see what goes on when a picture like this is posted:

Here is an unbiased opinion of this picture. The young lady obviously have a very nice body, but her face looks like it was created from a breakinglamp session between Sam Cassell and an Alien.

Would I hit it? Oh yeah, but could she stay afterwards, oh no. As a scientific experiment I posted this picture on a “porn forum” (you know the one I am not on) and here are some of the real comments to it.

1- “I would hit that raw”
2- “I would trick for that ass”
3- “Is it true for a G you can hit that? Cause when tax time come I am all over that”

There were many more comments that I could post, but you get the point. Bathwaterslurpers don’t have the best perspective in regards to women. What the slurper has done is made average women think they are above average. The #1 side of effect of this bathwaterslurping epidemic is that it has made a generation females who are in the 3-4 range think they are 6-7s and the 6-7s think they are 9-10s.

In the bathwaterslurper eyes a phat ass makes you an automatic 9-10 and that has lead to the “myspacemodel” problem we have in our society now.

In essence bathwaterslurpers are Farnsworth Bentley and the women are Puff Daddy. The are forever running to get that cheesecake.

2- Male on Male Slurping

Men will always bathwaterslurp for women even when we aren’t trying. It is a natural thing to try to impress women so in that regard even though I disagree with it at least they are trying to get women, so I understand. There was a time that I was a bathwaterslurper myself, so I understand how you can get caught up in being “too nice” to females.

What I can’t understand is being a bathwaterslurper to a man. You know the guy I am talking about when you are critical of say Jay Z or Kobe Bryant they are ready to fight like you were talking about a member of their family.

You also will see a lot in the sports media. Brett Favre in my mind is the #1 slurped athlete of all time.

Try to get through an entire Florida Gators game without stabbing yourself in the eye because of the over the top slurping of Tim Tebow.

I call these types of men:

“masedudes”

They don’t have the confidence to be a leader so they latch on as a follower to the point it is an obsession.

That is not a good look in any shape form or fashion.

Men aren’t supposed to worship other men. You can admire, but your goal is to be getting to that person level and then beyond.

My overall point is no one can take you serious when you don’t have a backbone. So stop slurping the bath water because you are drowning your own self worth.