Here is the situation.

You have met the perfect young lady, but there is one small problem.

She considers you just a “buddy” and you are stuck in the dreaded:

FRIEND ZONE

There are people who will tell you once you get caught in the “Friend Zone” there are no ways out.  Luckily for you that is what the Dean of NoHology is for. 

I can pull you out of that black hole, but you have to pay attention, do exactly what I say and you will be “breaking lamps” with your “buddy’ soon enough.

First let me go over some things that can help you avoid getting caught in the “Friend Zone” in the first place.

1-      Always make it known you want to sleep with your friend.

There is a fine line with this because you don’t want to come off as an a**hole, but I don’t care what any woman tells you, they like being wanted even if they don’t want you.  Just make it known that while you are their “friend” if the opportunity came up you would break their lamps with no hesitation.

2-      Don’t act like a woman

I know you think you “smart” by appealing to her “Sex in the City” side, but women want men, not men who engage in beauty salon talk.  Man up.

3-      Tell the truth

Men lie because they think women will like them more if they are agreeable.  So when I woman tells them a sob story about the man who did them wrong, the natural reaction is to just agree with them and bashed the dude.

Let me tell you something the chances of the woman leaving that man and falling head over heads in love with you are slim and none.

Be real with the situation if your “female friend”  is a noho tell her.  If she is being delusional about a man tell her.  She might get mad, but she will respect you aren’t a bathwaterslurper.

–

Now since you are reading this just today, you are probably already stuck in the “friend zone”, but don’t fret I am about to explain to you how to get your get out of jail free card.

The reason she has you in the “Friend Zone” is because she doesn’t see your potential as a lamp breaker.  You are like a puppy, just someone to talk to when she dealing with real dogs.

*wait*

I said:

“You are like a puppy, just someone to talk to when she dealing with real dogs”

Sorry but that is damn good analogy.  Anyway there is only one thing you can do to change this perception:

SMASH THE HOMIES!!!!!!!!!!!

Yes I am advocating sleeping with one of her friends.  It doesn’t have to be her best friend actually it would be better if it is a friend she doesn’t really like (be careful though if she hates her too much, the betrayal will be too much and destroy any chances you have of lampbreaking).

Since you are in the “Friend Zone” you should already know which one of her friends is the most vulnerable and that is the one you need to focus on.

Do not play around with the friend your goal is to “Smash the Homie” not to get into another “Friend Zone” situation.  Invite her out to drinks and make your intentions known.  She might say something like:

“But what about *insert girl name here*”

You answer should be simply:

“She and I are just friends, she would tell you that, but I’ve been attracted to you for awhile.”

Followed by another shot.

Here is the part you simply cannot mess up.  When you “Smash the Homie” you have to smash her well.  I mean lamps, curtains, headboards, clock radios and anything else you can find has to be broken.

Afterwards you have to turn cold and act like nothing happened.  The reason is if the “Homie” thinks there is a chance for relationship then your “Friend Zone” girl might feel like “matchmaker” and that isn’t want we want.  You might have to be a bit of a “DOG” about it, but that is better than being a “puppy” forever.

Do not and I repeat do not tell your “friend zone” girl that you “Smashed the Homies”.

The “Smashed Homie” becomes your vessel.

She will tell your “Friend Zone” girl all the nasty details of your one night stand.  At this point the “Friend Zone” girl will be thinking these exact thoughts.

“Why didn’t he tell me?  Does he like her more than he likes me?  Does he think she is prettier than me?  I didn’t know he could do that with his tongue.  Wow she had three orgasms?”

You will get a call from your “Friend Zone” girl to come over and talk. 

When she breaches the fact you “Smashed the Homies” she might be mad, she might be curious, she might act indifferent or all of the above, but play it cool.

When she starts asking questions, be very nonchalant about it.  At some point she is going to get frustrated and that is when you:

SMASH THE FRIEND ZONE!!!!!

Mission accomplished.

This has been another Dean of Nohology production.

Sidenote

Even if you don’t get out of “Friend Zone” at least you:

SMASHED THE HOMIES!!!!!!!!!