My Dissertation on Black Women

What is ironic when I posted a picture of Reggie Bush on the cover of Essence shirtless on BlackSportsOnline I did it because I thought women would like it.  Little did I know the controversy it would start.

I have Google alerts set up so I know any time people are talking about me or any of my various projects (you will be shocked how many people mention break lamps and nohos in a day).

In is very rare that a twitter conversation sets off an alert, but after the very long debate on the plight of the black women sparked by the Reggie Bush cover (Essence is a black woman magazine and many black women did not like the fact that the Bush was selected for the cover because he isn’t dating a black woman and the issue was on Black Love).

As the alerts kept coming in one thing became clear I was being portrayed as a:

“Sexiest misogynist black woman hating a-hole”

Instead of trying to answer every black woman as a whole I have decided to write my dissertation on Black Women.

I ask you to read with an open mind and feel free to make comments below.

1-      Love should have no race attached to it.

It was just how I was raised.  That love is color blind hence the phrases like “Black Love” has no meaning to me, but I think when black women say “black love” what they really mean is:

“Black Men have hate for Black Women, so we need more black love.”

I get that.

Black men who look down upon black women or think that dating/marrying women of a different race somehow makes them “better” have serious self esteem issues.

What those black men are saying is that they “hate themselves”.  It more about the fact they don’t like what they see in the mirror and the project that attitude toward black women.

Unfortunately there are a lot of black men that feel that way, but I would counter that there are many more black men even if they do date outside their race do not do it as a slap in the face to black women, but like me they just like dating hot women regardless of color.  If she is black great, if she is something else that is great to as long as she is nice and attractive.

Don’t let a few bad apples spoil the whole bunch.

2-      Black Men shouldn’t be punished for trying the women buffett

This isn’t something I feel is exclusive to black men, but people in general.   In some countries they have arrange marriages, now think to yourself how you would feel if your mate was already predetermined.

Some black men feel if they don’t date black women specifically that will be branded as the black man who turned his back on his race or who hates and devalues black women.

As I stated before there are black men who deserve this title, but for the ones who don’t it is a terrible burden to bear.

Some black men just like women.  Doesn’t matter the race, because the only race that matters to me is the “Fine Race”.

No one should be told what preference they should have and shouldn’t be stereotype for whatever that preference is.

The only loyalty a black man should have in regardless to his relationships is to be the best man he can be to whoever he chooses to be with.

If black women choose to narrow there search to just black men that is fine, but don’t hold that against the black man who doesn’t do the same.  That simply isn’t fair.

As I stated on Twitter.  Just because I sample the women buffet table and you just want to eat chicken don’t be mad at me when I am full and you still are hungry because all the chicken has run out.

3-      Why do you care who anyone dates?

Regardless if a black man doesn’t date black women because he hates them, he prefers others or he just happen to meet someone that wasn’t black why do you care?

I remember I was out with some buddies at Hooters once.  I very attractive black woman walked in with a man who look just like Kevin Ferderline.

Immediately my friends were up in arms.

“How dare that black woman be with that white man there must be something wrong with her.”

I am calmly turned to them and simply said:

“Why do you care and why does something have to be wrong with her?”

The point I am making is worry about your own relationships and don’t make blanket assumptions on others.

Just because someone dates outside of their race doesn’t make them an alien or someone who hates their race.

Even if it did, it isn’t any of your business.

People in general are nosey and like to pass judgments.  If they worried as much about uplifting themselves as oppose to downgrading others they will be in a better place. This isn’t just a black woman problem but a societal problem.

Worry about yourself not what the next person is doing.

4-      The Mirror doesn’t lie

The statistics say 42% of black women are not married.

So understandably people want to know why.

The convenient excuse is “the black man” or a “lack of good black men”.

They are waiting for their perfect black man, but alas there aren’t that many around they say.

I don’t knock preference.  If as a black woman you want to married a black man more power to you.  Far be it for me to say you have to date outside of your race, not my place.  If you want to wait for that perfect black man I wish you luck, but I am going to let you in on a secret.

Whereas I am sure the main preference of a lot of black men is to have a black woman in the interim they will have no problem dealing with a white, Spanish, Asian, Karadashian or blue avatar woman.

And if any of the above treat them well they will wife them up and never look back.

The first thing people should do not just black women,  when trying to figure out why they are single, in a bad relationship or not married should do is look in the mirror.

During my twitter debate over 100 black women chimed in (I went back in counted) and some of them I know personally.  While they were taking shots at black men some failed to mention the following:

A-     One only dates athletes.

B-      One says she can’t date a man making less than 100gs a year.

C-      One goes to the club every Friday/Saturday 52 weeks in a row.

D-     One proclaims loudly she has cheated on former boyfriends.

E-      One claims to be a feminist, but openly admits should would sleep with rappers if approached.

F-      One is dating a married man.

G-     One has a bi sexual girlfriend she doesn’t want to give up.

I could go on, but you get my point.  The thing is I don’t knock any of those things.

Once again if you want a 100g man or a NFL player more power to them, because it is their preference, but don’t complain about the plight of black women when the reason you are in the situation you are in is because of you and you only.

As a black man I have more “built in” excuses than any race male or female in the world.  You know how many times black men are told they can’t do something because they are “black”.

If as man I fed into all of that negativity and blame game it would be impossible to be a success in our society.

Racism is real, just like ignorant self hating black men are real in regards to how they treat and feel about black women, but you can’t use that as an excuse for the failures in your relationships.

Don’t focus on what black men can do better, let him worry about himself.  Worry about you being the best person you can and you won’t have to look for happiness, happiness will find you.

5-      This isn’t a war

Someone asked me this and I skirted around answering it because it didn’t have anything to with the point I was trying to make , but I think it is important to talk about now.

The question was if two women were equal in every way and one was black and one was white which one would I choose.

The answer is easy.

100 times out of 100 times I would choose the black woman.

But that is hypothetical situation that can never happen because no two women are created equal.

So you just have to go with your gut feeling and it is easier to do that when you don’t feel pressure one way or another.

I am very careful on how I speak on issues like that.  Very careful not to be disrespectful or call anyone out of their name (even though shockingly women have no problem calling me a lot of things).  This isn’t a war and I am not trying to be insensitive to the feelings of black women.  My daughter is black and I would never want someone disrespecting her because of her race or devaluing her.

But I try to teach her that value and self worth comes from within not what some man thinks.

I apologize for all the horrible black men that are out there.  If I could I would beat them all down for you.

I apologize for all the nohos that are giving black women a bad name.

Sometimes when I tweet or write I am so focus on bring attention to some of the foolish things some black women do I forget to also focus on the many positive things black women do.

I understand it is hard.  All I have to do is look at my boys and how they treat women to understand it definitely can seems like dire straits in regards to black men/women relations, but it won’t get better if we continue to blame and fight with each other about something as trivial as what race we are dating.

It is a known fact that almost all my major accomplishments have been assisted by the help women and more times than not black women.

So I don’t want the reputation of being a “black woman hater” because that isn’t the case.

I am an honest person and maybe to a fault very blunt and direct.  To the point sometimes my thoughts come off as harsh and insensitive.  Especially in a social medium such as twitter where you can’t write a 2000 words article to explain everything you say.

If there is one thing I wish I could go back and change is when I said:

“I DON’T CARE ABOUT THE PLIGHT OF THE BLACK WOMAN.”

It isn’t that I don’t care, because there are real issues out there for black woman that definitely need to be address. Real serious issues and some of those issues are because of black men.  I am not naive I understand that.

What I don’t approve of are black women who blame there every problem on black men, because I don’t believe black men can be used as a crutch for every problem of the black woman.

I find it hard to believe that black women would not agree with me on that point.

I have my philosophies and my opinions, but none of it is based off hate, but based off trying to bring people to a truly color blind society.

That might be an impossible goal, but for the sake of our future as black men and black women I hope that isn’t the case.