The Definition of a NoHo

“We aint no hoes or nothin but I have sum friends willing to get down if paid so wut yall tryna do?”

They say in life there are specific snapshots that determine our legacy. When I received the text above (copied verbatim) on March 12th 2009 2:53pm Central Standard Time it changed my legacy. It is that text that sparked the entire idea for this website.

Up to then I was just your normal average Bona Fide Sports Expert Robert Littal planning a Las Vegas trip with my friends Killa Camaro Carl, Sam the African, Mr. White, Jon Julian & Sugar Sean to see Ricky Hatton fight Manny Pacquiao.

After I got the text I went over to Sam the African in amazement and said the following:

“Hey Sam the African they said they not hoes but they are offering sex for cash.”

Sam the African replied:

“They not hoes, but the rent is due.”

That is when it hit me. What do you call a ho who rationalizes her hoeing decision as the ends justifies the means? What do you call a ho who isn’t a ho 100% of time but only when necessary and it beneficial to her?

That is when I went back and looked at the text and it became clear:

First let state the obvious everyone has NoHo Tendencies. Doesn’t matter your race, age, gender, sexual orientation and etc we have all No Hoed it up in our life. If you don’t believe that you are lying to yourself.

Someone asked me why I normally use the phrase NoHo to describe women, but not men. The answer to that is simple most men don’t rationalize their hoeing actions. We embrace that fact that we are hoes. We might use a different name to describe it (pimps, playas, ballers), but the fact of the matter most men are hoes and proud of it.

Women on the other hand try to explain their hoish tendencies away, lets break down the text again:

“We aint no hoes or nothing but I have sum friends willing to get down if paid so wut yall tryna do? “

The young lady in question before anything else claims “we ain’t no hoes” before stating “willing to get down if paid”.

Just read that sentence again and it is comical, it would be the equivalent of me saying:

“We ain’t no criminals or nothing, but I have sum friends willing to go along with a bank robbery if we get paid so wut yall tryna do”

I know what you are thinking.

“Nohos? That must be a hood rat thing.”

Not at all NoHos come in all walks of life here are just a few examples:

“Corporate NOHO”

The young lady at your office who wears the tightest business skirts known to man. Always gets to go to lunch with the boss. Work never gets criticized but somehow gets promoted.

“MySpace/Facebook/Twitter/Message Board NOHO”

This attention whore who has two millions friends and has a bunch of “bath water slurping” dudes at her beck and call. The type of girl who announces she is going to Taco Bell so one of the “bath water” dudes can put $10 in her PayPal.

“Internet Model NOHO”

An offspring of the MySpace NoHo except they turned it into an actual profession To illustrate how Internet Modeling NoHoing maybe the slickest game of them all, let me tell you a story.

There is this internet model named Montana. Very pretty and definitely an interesting young lady. She has five kids. When the 5th kid was close to being born she set up a baby registry for her “bath water slurping” fans. The chick did a web cam video with the father of baby showing off the fact the “bath water” dudes had bought all of her baby furniture and the damn not one, not two, but three baby seats.

That is “Yoda” level NoHoing.

I could go on and on from “Gold digging NoHo” to “Born Again Virgin NoHo”. No matter the type of female you meet she has a “NoHo” twin (and it is probably her).

Another one of my favorite NoHos:

“I am not a groupie but I have slept with the entire New York Knicks and Mike D’Antoni NoHo”

The South Carolina governor who got caught cheating what did he have?

AN INTERNATIONAL NOHO

What did Bill Clinton have?

AN ORAL SEX INTERN NOHO

What happened to Kobe in Colorado?

A CRAZY ASS WHITE GIRL NOHO

Men love Nohos. The reason is simple they are not complicated. We don’t care how they rationalize what they are doing we just care that we are getting what we want out the deal.

But you have to be careful because Nohos are hustlers and you don’t want to be the guy buying the baby seat for the other guy.
Tell the Nohos what you want and ask what it is going to take to get it done. This brings us back to the original text:

“We aint no hoe’s or nothing but I have sum friends willing to get down if paid so wut yall tryna do? “

So you are probably wondering what happened with the “The Origin NoHo” and her crew in Vegas. You know the phrase “What Happens in Vegas Stay in Vegas” of course you do, so I can’t tell you everything, but here is what I can tell you.

It wasn’t quite The Hangover, but someone woke up in the shower, a bottle of Hennessey was under the bed, weed may have been involved, someone fell down a flight of stairs, I may have strip for a Bachelorette party (a little fuzzy on that), Lee Cordova (you had to be there to understand), a MySpace exposing (that was funny), a baby was left at the Stratosphere hotel with a “Grocery Guy” (I am not lying about that) & I cannot confirm or deny the existence of a video of the events.

Love those NoHos.